The Blogs: Cognitive Bias or Sholom Bayis? Wisdom and Insight Bava Metzia 19-22

Cognitive Bias or Sholom Bayis?

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the laws concerning a death-bed gift. Since the person is giving away his possessions with the tacit understanding that he is mortally ill, should he recover, his gifts are retracted.

The Divrei Mahari relates this (Toldos Bereishis 25:30-34) to Esav’s selling of his rights to the firstborn.

וַיָּ֥זֶד יַעֲקֹ֖ב נָזִ֑יד וַיָּבֹ֥א עֵשָׂ֛ו מִן־הַשָּׂדֶ֖ה וְה֥וּא עָיֵֽף׃

Once when Yaakov was cooking a stew, Esav came in from the open, famished.

וַיֹּ֨אמֶר עֵשָׂ֜ו אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹ֗ב הַלְעִיטֵ֤נִי נָא֙ מִן־הָאָדֹ֤ם הָאָדֹם֙ הַזֶּ֔ה כִּ֥י עָיֵ֖ף אָנֹ֑כִי עַל־כֵּ֥ן קָרָֽא־שְׁמ֖וֹ אֱדֽוֹם׃

And Esav said to Yaakov, “Give me some of that red stuff to gulp down, for I am famished”—which is why he was named Edom (Red).

וַיֹּ֖אמֶר יַעֲקֹ֑ב מִכְרָ֥ה כַיּ֛וֹם אֶת־בְּכֹרָֽתְךָ֖ לִֽי׃

Yaakov said, “First sell me your birthright.”

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר עֵשָׂ֔ו הִנֵּ֛ה אָנֹכִ֥י הוֹלֵ֖ךְ לָמ֑וּת וְלָמָּה־זֶּ֥ה לִ֖י בְּכֹרָֽה׃

And Esav said, “I am at the point of death, so of what use is my birthright to me?”

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר יַעֲקֹ֗ב הִשָּׁ֤בְעָה לִּי֙ כַּיּ֔וֹם וַיִּשָּׁבַ֖ע ל֑וֹ וַיִּמְכֹּ֥ר אֶת־בְּכֹרָת֖וֹ לְיַעֲקֹֽב׃

But Yaakov said, “Swear to me today.” So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob.

וְיַעֲקֹ֞ב נָתַ֣ן לְעֵשָׂ֗ו לֶ֚חֶם וּנְזִ֣יד עֲדָשִׁ֔ים וַיֹּ֣אכַל וַיֵּ֔שְׁתְּ וַיָּ֖קׇם וַיֵּלַ֑ךְ וַיִּ֥בֶז עֵשָׂ֖ו אֶת־הַבְּכֹרָֽה

Yaakov then gave Esau bread and lentil stew; he ate and drank, and he rose and went away. Thus did Esav belittled the birthright.

The simple reading of the verse is that Esav’s selling of the birthright, perhaps especially for a bowl of soup, is itself an act of desecration. However, Divrei Mahari says, since Esav could have claimed that his forfeiture was only with the understanding that he was mortally ill, once he recovered he had the option of reneging on the gift. Since he did not, this was a de facto devaluing of the birthright. He gave up too easily.

(Even though he also made an oath, I believe Divrei Mahari would counter that the oath was also implicitly tied into the condition of his death.)

There is a psychological peshat in Esav’s behavior, based on the principles of Confirmation Bias. Confirmation Bias is the psychological term for the investment we have in confirming opinions we already have decided, and selectively filtering out memories and perceptions to reinforce our current belief.

According to researchers Tavris and Aronson (Tavris, C., & Aronson, E. (2007). “Mistakes were made (but not by me): Why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions, and hurtful acts.” Harcourt.)

“As fallible human beings, all of us share the impulse to justify ourselves and avoid taking responsibility for any actions that may turn out to be harmful, immoral, or stupid.”

A cognitive distortion that is a subset of Confirmation Bias is the Irrational Primacy Effect. That is, the illogical extra credibility we place on something we hear first. (The Rambam, in his introduction to Sefer Hamitzvos, rails against people who foolishly believe in the first opinion they hear, and reject subsequent opinions, despite the new opinion being more logical.)

The Gemara (Yoma 86b) says if a person sins, and then repeats his sin, it becomes as if it is permitted to him. This is because of the fear of facing the truth, so one must rationalize that he is not an evil person. Rav Yisrael Salanter is said to have quipped, and if you then persist and sin for a third time, it becomes a Mitzvah!

In all these instances, the need to continue to feel that one is right, holds the correct decisions and/or morality, filters perceptions and causes bias in judgements which favor the needed belief.

After Esav sold the firstborn, he did not want to allow himself Seller’s Remorse. Instead of feeling regret for his impulsive decision, he told himself “Who needs these dumb firstborn rights, anyway?”

How many times do we stick to our guns because we are too proud to admit we are wrong, doubling down and doubling the damage?

Seeing is Believing

Our Gemara on Amud aleph discusses the legal status of documents called “Shtarei Berirun”. According to one opinion, is a written record of each litigant’s claims.

The straightforward understanding of why the claims are written and agreed upon is that this way neither party can retract and modify their claims. (Rashbam, Bava Basra 168a, “Shtarei”.)

There also can be a psychological reason for this. At the very least, each person wants to be heard. Aside from the official role of the dayanim as arbiters of justice, win or lose, it feels good to be validated. The Yerushalmi Sanhedrin (3:8) learns from Solomon’s explicit review of each woman’s claim that a judge must repeat the arguments of each litigant (in the famous “cut the baby in half” story, Melachim I:3:23). Radak (ibid) explains this is in order that each person feels that their claims were heard, and therefore be more likely to accept the ruling. In Shemoneh Esre, we pray for the restoration of “judges of yore”, which leads to the “removal of sorrow and suffering”. This may not only be referring to the suffering of injustice, but also the pain of not being given a chance to be heard.

The Gemara (Eiruvin 13b) reflects that the School of Hillel merited to have the Halacha in accordance with their opinion because of the following practices: They were forbearing; they did not fight back when affronted, and when they taught the halacha they would teach both their own statements and the statements of Beis Shammai. Moreover, when they formulated their teachings and cited a dispute, they would first study the teachings of Beis Shammai before their own.

Tosafos Rid (ibid) says Beis Hillel’s practice of explaining all the angles thoroughly enabled them to render the correct judgment.

I will add, this is despite the students of Beis Shammai being renowned for possessing keener intelligence (Yevamos 14a). Respectful and thorough study trumps intellectual horsepower.

As a couples therapist, I have observed that the number one marital complaint (more often by women) is the need “to feel seen.” This statement mystifies some men, and they defensively exclaim, “Whaddya mean? I see you right here!”

“Seeing” another person means listening and accepting what he or she feels and thinks, without trying to filter or initially refute them. This is the first and foundational stage of listening and requires a mindful, curious and open presence. In this stage, it is not about what is wrong or right, or what needs to be fixed. As Bais Hillel teaches, listening and fully considering the other perspective promotes better understanding, regardless of the conclusion. Carl Jung famously said, the degree to which you will influence others is the degree to which you are open to being influenced.

Buried Treasure

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the behavioral psychology of money. One is more likely to become quickly aware of losing currency in comparison to other objects. Since it is the way of people to constantly feel their pockets and check if their money is there, if one found money in the street, he may assume the owner already became aware of the loss. This has ramifications in terms of the obligation to return lost items, as the owner might already have given up and relinquished ownership.

Bais Yaakov (Vayigash 26:1) reflects on why money has this hold on a person over other objects. Why does one check more often on his money, even though he might have objects worth far more than the dollars in his wallet? He says, since money represents something that can be readily converted into anything else, he considers it more precious. He can use money to buy whatever he wants with it, unlike an object that must be bartered. Reishis Chochma (Shaar Hayirah 15) compares this to certain kinds of spiritual and wisdom attainments, which require careful safeguarding.

Biblical literature often uses the desire for money as a metaphor and standard for spiritual achievement. For example, Tehiliim and Mishley respectively state:

טֽוֹב־לִ֥י תוֹרַת־פִּ֑יךָ מֵ֝אַלְפֵ֗י זָהָ֥ב וָכָֽסֶף׃

I prefer the Torah (teachings of your mouth) to thousands of gold and silver pieces. (Tehiliim

119:72)

And

אִם־תְּבַקְשֶׁ֥נָּה כַכָּ֑סֶף וְֽכַמַּטְמוֹנִ֥ים תַּחְפְּשֶֽׂנָּה׃

If you seek it as you do silver, and search for it as for treasures. (Mishley 2:4)

Maor Einayim (Hosafos 65) wonders why the Psalmist uses the number “thousands – alfei”, when in Hebrew there is a word for tens of thousands (“revava”). Is Torah not worth tens of thousands? He says that it is also a play on words, as the shoresh “A-L-F” also can mean to lead or teach, as in “ulpan” or “aloof – commander”. I will add, the idea might also be that lessons learned from gold and silver are valuable as Torah. Meaning, one can use the desire for money, status and material acquisition as an inspiration for spiritual success. Most wealthy people work hard and have longer days than their employees. Certain individuals are never complacent, and despite having a fortune that will last several lifetimes, they are driven to build more and make more. We must be that way when it comes to spiritual growth and status.

Malbim and Ralbag (Mishley ibid) notice the structure of the metaphor: Seeking wisdom like money, and searching for it like treasure. Money has this universal quality, that it can be immediately used to obtain anything desired. So too, wisdom gives a person the tools to acquire whatever else he needs or wants. Furthermore, when a person prospects for buried treasure, he can expect to follow false leads. You dig and dig, but it takes time to succeed. Wisdom also requires digging deep into oneself, via trial and error, until arriving at the truth.

The Baal Shemtov (Pri Haaretz, Ki Tissa) notes another aspect of the metaphor. Pieces of silver and gold join together better when there is no rust or tarnish acting as a barrier. Often, the artisan needs to scrape the surfaces to allow for a better adhesion. So too, a person must remove barriers that block attachment to wisdom, be they fear, arrogance, or lust.

Minor Issues

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the legal status of minors, who do not possess the mental discernment to give proper consent, therefore they cannot forgive a debt or even waive an entitlement. “Yasmi lav bnei mechila ninhu.”

The G”RA uses this idea to understand an emphasis made by the verse in Mishley (23:10):

אַל־תַּ֭סֵּג גְּב֣וּל עוֹלָ֑ם וּבִשְׂדֵ֥י יְ֝תוֹמִ֗ים אַל־תָּבֹֽא׃

Do not remove ancient boundary stones; Do not encroach upon the field of orphans.

Why only be concerned about orphans? It also is forbidden to steal from full fledged citizens! Of course, the simple reading is that Solomon is especially advising the person with a neighboring property to orphans. This is because he might be tempted to mislead the orphans, as they do not remember or have knowledge of their father’s business dealings. The G”RA adds, even in regard to mild boundary incursions that one might assume a neighbor would forgive, one is not allowed to take those liberties with orphans. Orphans lack sufficient informed consent for them to waive any of their rights. (For example, having a shed in your backyard that extends unobtrusively into your neighbor’s yard by a few inches. This might be fine with adults, but not property owned by orphans.)

If we take this statement literally, “Yasmi lav bnei mechila ninhu – orphans are incapable of forgiving”, we might apply this homiletically to an orphan’s feelings. That is, we must be careful to avoid causing an orphans distress, as they cannot easily forgive.

The verse in Shemos (22:21) states

כׇּל־אַלְמָנָ֥ה וְיָת֖וֹם לֹ֥א תְעַנּֽוּן׃

You shall not persecute any widow or orphan.

Rashi, (quoting the Mechilta), says that this applies to all people not just orphans or widows, but since there is a tendency to mislead them as they are more vulnerable, the Torah singles them out. Ramban (ibid) adds that it is in their nature to suffer emotionally more than others, due to their pain and depression from past suffering, therefore their feelings must be protected.

Although we should be sensitive to anyone’s feelings, the Torah asks us to pay special respect for the weak, the underdog and the emotionally downtrodden. Those who have psychological and financial resources can protect themselves from abuse and exploitation more easily than the vulnerable classes of society, and therefore the Torah ethic is to take extra measures to protect them.