Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

Complete repentance needs no suicide

The below I wrote with some trepidation. It’s a sensitive topic, especially for victims of sexual abuse, the victims in this case, and their close ones.

It’s also not my intention to lecture someone on the brink of his death.

But I just wanted to communicate: there is hardly ever sufficient reason for suicide. It’s often done in panic. Take your time until you see the light at the end of the tunnel again. There’s no solid proof that ‘now all is lost.’

There are now claims that the letter I’ll write about below is a forgery. I don’t know if it is or isn’t. But it sounds pretty darn authentic, IMHO. Whether that is true or not, however, doesn’t influence the ideas I share.


A famous well-doer became an accused serial rapist of decades. A few months later, he tried to end his life and left a suicide note. The police confiscated it, but a photograph reveals its content. This is so much better than just not wanting to face the bad, one has done. He wrote:

“I am sorry.
My punishment I have received already.
Try to remember the good that I did;
try to always remember what I forgot: ‘There is an Eye that sees, an Ear that hears, and all your deeds are written in a Book.’
My love always,
and I am very embarrassed,

He expressed regret and feeling terrible about what he did. He admits, though not in detail. He is ready to tell the world: Don’t do as me. He maintains he’s not all-evil – he did good things too.

What was missing are his direct apologies to his victims and his intention to pay them compensation though no amount can be enough and it’s doubtful he will have enough to pay all victims for their therapies at least.

But what a difference with (even convicted) crooks who won’t admit, who shrink the damage they caused, and only focus on their own pain.

Suicide here too is unnecessary. After the above, he can live with his head held high, as an advocate against sexual predators and helping naive and powerless victims and bystanders. There is dignity for any true repentant.

I hope he will completely recover and be able to complete his new urgent role in the universe: defending and preventing (potential) victims of sexual abuse and opening the eyes of all abusers to stop immediately.

Though my first prayers go to the victims, by necessity.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To find his earlier blog posts on a certain subject XXX, among his over 1200 ones, go to the right-top corner of the Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". His second daily active less tame blog, to which one may subscribe, one may find here: or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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