For the first time in 33 years, I went on a dating app. My friends were telling me all about this world I knew very little about. In fact, I wanted to stay away from this scene, because I do not believe in the ‘instafication’ of finding love. But, said my friends, I needed some flattery after 18 years of relationship and after some recent events. Like all the unsolicited offer over the years wasn’t enough and like I was looking for shallow flattery, I thought, but I kept silent. It will be fun – come on, do it, they persisted. Finally, my friends won. As they suggested, I created a profile on the Dutch dating app called Lexia and the Jewish dating app called Jswipe. I did not go through with Tinder as they advised. I hesitated about Lexia a lot, because what is the point if those guys aren’t Jewish and if that is so important to me? I know many of my non-Jewish friends, mostly the ones via work, do not understand this at all. I don’t care. Someday you will, I have said to them a couple of times in the past weeks.
After two hours, I returned to my laptop to find over three hundred messages from all sorts of men on Lexia. Out of curiosity, I started scrolling through the inbox to conclude that my standards are so high, that none of those people would ever get a fair chance at even a conversation with me. I deleted Lexia instantly to focus my attention on Jswipe only. I was surprised to discover how appealing Jewish man from all over the world really are and how much love I have for ‘my people.’ It would be nice if I didn’t have to do this, because I am a serious person and I know exactly what I want. It never changed since being a young girl. I discovered that it was not necessary to give up on my wish of a Jewish man and family at all, if I would be a bit more flexible than I used to be in the past. I discovered that there are some Jewish blondies out there, in the range of 33 to 43 years old, who are honest, mature, intelligent and spiritual, although the majority of the men on Jswipe is dark or not my type at all. Most of those gorgeous blondies live in the US, UK or Russia, I discovered. Typical, I thought, or they probably live in Australia.
Twin flames and soul mates
I swiped and swiped, got many matches and deleted all of those in the end, sometimes without even talking to them when they sent messages. Why waste life and play games when I know what is real to me? The superficial or casual millennial lifestyle is so not my thing. I am a romantic who is convinced that twin flames and soul mates actually exist. I believe it is possible to grow old with someone and to still be so extremely passionate about that person, that frequent old people’s sex is a real thing. I believe two people can bring out the best in each other while being totally themselves, even when being different. I believe in sharing every single day, but still come back home to each other with butterflies in the stomach, or waking up next to each other with the largest smile possible. I believe I can be much better in comparison to what I have been and done in the past, because this person will be worth it. I believe the right person will be the right person anyhow, no matter what dating app is being used or however this first meeting happens. I realize it doesn’t come around often. For some, it never happens and they can be happy with a good enough relationship. For me, this is the only partnership I wish to pursue. What I believe has nothing to do with an endless and unrealistic wish list a lot of people have these days, but with deep connection which can be summed up as: you know when you know.
Evening full of laughter
A couple of French guys were fun to speak with, not because I was interested, but because whenever I get the opportunity to speak in French and bond over melancholic things only French people between themselves can understand, I take it. An Israeli guy started sending me one sensual audio file after the other. He found my mobile number via the internet, added me on WhatsApp and said he would be in Amsterdam in two weeks and would pick me up at my place to go somewhere for a cup of coffee. When I explained that I would not join him because I was not interested and my heart was invested in something else, he started sending me angry messages. The pushy, creepy type; it made for an evening full of laughter with my friends. That was also when I found out that I did this swiping thing all wrong. I thought I was just going through the profiles and that when I liked someone I had to press the heart button. All profiles went to the right. My friends couldn’t stop laughing. What’s happening, I asked. I had to swipe the profiles of people I did not like to the left, they explained. Oh no, I said with a lot of embarrassment. Apparently, I liked all those Dutch Jewish men I knew already for many years and even the friends of my ex…
I haven’t deleted Jswipe yet. I was about to and am still thinking about doing it. Truth is, one message is all that’s needed. Anything’s possible, absolutely anything.