Dating in the religious world; few insights after one year at Bar-Ilan

As you all know, dating is not a piece of cake. The patience, the frustration, the awkward situations one sometimes experiences, may all get her to a huge despair and lack of energy to keep finding her true love.

But one must know, there should be no despair. Even when you’re feeling down, even at the times when you just lose faith in the human kind- you must have faith in God, cause hell he knows what he is doing.

As a religious girl, I find myself thinking about the subject quite a lot. Perhaps it’s because I study and live among people of my kind, or perhaps it’s because I come across with so many idiots who think that only because they look good and wear a kippah, they are “hot stuff”, and we, the girls, need to make an exaggerated effort in order to make them look at us.

It came to my mind that people- well not all, but some, should have some pretty stiff ground rules in the world of dating, or if you wish, the world of “Gosh-this-guy-in-the-library-is-super-cute-I-wonder-if-he’s-single-or-not”.
I, then, would like to suggest some fundamental rules, which will help us all finding the one, or at least, having fun while searching for him.
I would also like to categorize the rules to “for him”, “for her”, and “for the nice people who think match making is easy, why don’t you think a little before you think you have a great idea for a couple”.

Ok. So let me start with the “for her” section, since one is under that category:
1. Please, girls, do not try to find a potential in every male figure you see on your campus, or on another surrounding. It’s pathetic, and most likely he’s just one of the hundreds of guys out there who are NOT for you.
2. Don’t assume that every guy who simply just glances at you is interested in you. Just like number 1 on my list, it’s pathetic, and oh honey, seriously? He was just asking if you could turn off the air-conditioner because he was freezing; it does not mean he wants you as his companion for life.
3. If you see a cute guy at, I don’t know, let’s say your favorite library, don’t try to track him down, but do try to flirt with him in a feminine, relaxed, sweet way. He may be your one, and even if he says no, who cares what he thinks? He’s just a random guy who studies social sciences. You don’t want a guy who studies social sciences. Trust me. How would he be able to buy you all the unspeakably marvelous stuff in Bergdorf Goodman?
4. Honey, try to put some make up on. Some nice girly clothes, a nice pink lipstick. I know it sounds chauvinist, but taking care of your looks may actually make the guy like you even more. Oh and do not give me that look of “There is more that meets the eye”- first impression it’s the first and most important thing on the way of finding yourself a cute masculine yet gentle mocha skinned guy.
5. And last but not least – say yes. Sometimes a guy is really not your type, but you just don’t know what you might be missing. Don’t judge a book by its cover- I know we all want a nice Leonardo Dicaprio for ourselves, but let’s just face it- we can only dream about one of the nerds on The Big Bang Theory.

And now, may I introduce the limited edition list for the men out there, who are longing to get this cute pretty girl they keep seeing at their coffee houses every once in a while:
1. Don’t be a douche bag. If you keep seeing this girl, and you know she has noticed you too- don’t wait for her to come and hit on you. I know some say that romance had vanished from our world, but I would want to believe that there are few gentlemen left out there. Just go and tell her you like her. It’s not a big deal. She should not do this for you.

2. Dear, sending your married not- that- funny friend to hit on a girl for you, it’s a bit ridiculous. You might as well send your own mother to do this. It would have the same affect.
3. Just like the feminine side on the globe, you should look at yourself in the mirror before you leave your house. I am not suggesting you need to look like one of DOLCE & GABBANA male models, I’m just saying that a decent pair of jeans, maybe a buttoned shirt every once in a while would do the work. You’re 24 for god’s sake, not a 17 years old child.
4. Don’t kiss and run. Don’t let some nice girl’s feelings down. Just because she is way more into you than you are into her, doesn’t mean you have the legitimacy to use her. It’s not fair. No one deserves that.
5. In case you’re married, first of all, Mazal Tov! Happy for you. But dude, do yourself and the rest of the girls a favor and wear a ring. You can avoid some really awkward moments by wearing this shiny little accessory on your finger.
6. Just because you are considered A Groyse Metziee because of your looks and your kippah, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to walk around as if you own the world. Relax. You may be discovered as a total ass.

And for the kind people, who think they know what they are doing, I suggest only 1 rule:
don’t ever, under any circumstances, let a precious girl’s heart get broken. ASK THE GUY FIRST, and just after he says yes, go and ask the girl if she wants to go out with this guy. Spare her from this moment of excitement and hope, even if this moment would last 5 seconds.

And for you all, don’t give up. Never. He’s/ she’s out there, just waiting for you. When the right time arrives, you’d meet him/her.


About the Author
A student in Bar Ilan university, an israeli who loves English literature. Fashion journalism dreamer, styling adviser, Coco Chanel admirer , Vogue addict. Romance seeker. Before school, used to be a VM in Gap inc.
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