Devarim: The Art of Rebuke

Rebuke and criticism have always been a part of the Jewish way of life – from the admonishments of the prophets to contemporary public discourse. It is thus surprising to discover that the Torah frames rebuke as a means to overcome interpersonal alienation and hatred: “Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart; thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor” (Lev. 19:17). Torah commentators explain that there is a contrast between the prohibition against hating the other, and the commandment to rebuke him – that rebuke is in fact conducive to peace (Rashbam). Rebuke is also an expression of love: “For whom the Lord loveth He [rebuketh]” (Prov. 3:12). The ensuing verse in Leviticus, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” also alludes to this, while the preceding verse, “Neither shalt thou stand idly by the blood of thy neighbor,” teaches us that one who refrains from chastening others is likened to a person who sees the blood of another being spilled and stands idly by.

Sadly, in our day, rebuke has taken on negative associations. Now, reproof and criticism attain the opposite result, increasing alienation and widening the chasm between the giver and receiver of rebuke. It is easy to mishandle the giving of rebuke, whose goal is to bring the receiver to a more positive place, to stimulate growth rather than wound and offend. This requires precision and nuance on the part of both giver and receiver. Positive intentions on the part of the rebuker – only one of the conditions for a successful rebuke – are often lacking. The healing of society will not come about through the cessation of criticism and reproof, but rather by restoring their original purpose – the advancement of peace and love.

The Book of Deuteronomy opens with Moses’ rebuke of the people. His words are very harsh: not only does he list their sins and justify the punishments they received (1:19–45, as well as in the subsequent parashot Va’etĥanan and Ekev); he also blames them for the punishment that he has been saddled with (1:37). It is said that one of the most prominent figures in Hasidism, Rabbi Yaakov Yitzhak Rabinowicz, known as the Holy Jew of Peshischa, would learn several verses of Moses’ rebuke every day, believing in the unique capacity of those words to enter his heart (Pri Tzaddik, Devarim). Let us examine, as well, the words of Moses, with an emphasis on their form rather than their content, and see what we can glean about the lost art of rebuke.

Timing Is Everything

When it comes to rebuke, the timing is no less important than the content. For example, rebuke directed at someone who is depressed can potentially push them over the edge. Moses is fastidious in his timing. The Torah makes a point of noting that his rebuke comes “after he had smitten Sihon the king of the Amorites…and Og the king of Bashan” (Deut. 1:4) – in the wake of glorious victories, when the people are still elated.

It is imperative that the rebuke be delivered at a time when the receiver is open to the possibility of changing. It is difficult for people to alter their behavior when they are immersed in their routines. In that regard, too, Moses’ rebuke is on the mark, for he delivers it as the people are preparing to enter the Land of Israel, on the brink of a new chapter, the next phase in their national life.

The relationship between the rebuker and the receiver of the rebuke is also key. In this context, the people’s awareness of the imminence of Moses’ death causes them to be receptive to his words.

Less Is More

The question of quantity is also crucial when it comes to giving rebuke. There are areas where “the more the merrier,” but with rebuke the opposite is true. In the books of Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers we see almost no rebukes of the people by Moses. When rebuke is a unique occurrence, people are open to receive it, but when it becomes commonplace, they quickly learn to close their ears. A friend of mine, a teacher, once likened rebuke to a gun loaded with two bullets. During the school year, he can only shoot twice, so he must think hard before pulling the trigger.

Begin with Criticism and Conclude with Praise

If the purpose of rebuke is to help people improve, it should also contain a positive element. Deuteronomy opens with Moses’ rebuke and concludes with his blessing in Parashat Vezot Haberakha (“this is the blessing”). Likewise, the haftara of Devarim is a harsh rebuke (Is. 1), followed by seven consecutive weeks of consolatory and redemptive haftarot.

Whom Do We Rebuke?

The surprising element in Moses’ rebuke is that he does not chastise the sinners, but rather their children. The parents who sinned were members of the generation that left Egypt, and by now they are all dead. The absurdity of the situation is thrown into sharp relief when Moses says, “Moreover your little ones, that ye said should be a prey, and your children, that this day have no knowledge of good or evil, they shall go in thither, and unto them will I give it, and they shall possess it” (Deut. 1:39). It is a bizarre scene: the people Moses is addressing are not the sinners, the parents who said their children will “be prey,” but rather the children themselves. What does it mean?

The Sefat Emet on the parasha concludes that there is a lesson to be learned here about personal responsibility: “Every generation must rectify the sin of the previous generation, just as they inherit the virtue left them by the preceding generation.” The sins of the parents are visited upon their children. But even if we accept that the children are worthy of some reproof, it is hard to understand why only they, and not their parents, are subjected to the Torah’s most substantial dressing down.

Rebuke is a corrective measure. Not only is a given generation required to rectify their parents’ iniquities; it is understood that they – not their parents – are the sole people capable of effecting the correction. The Talmud states a principle whereby “as one is commanded to say that which will be [heard], so is one commanded not to say that which will not be [heard]” (Yevamot 65b). Rebuke, delivered to those who cannot receive it, can be harmful, as a verse quoted by the Talmud (ibid.) states: “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee; reprove a wise man, and he will love thee” (Prov. 9:8). Had it been delivered to the parents’ generation, Moses’ reproof would have fallen on deaf ears. It is only their children, who possess the perspective afforded by time, who can hear and rectify.

We all know people who have a tendency to ruin their own lives. The natural reaction of those who care about such people is to try to open their eyes to the root of their problem and to their part in generating it. Yet, when it is clear that such an intervention will be spurned, perhaps to the point of endangering the relationship, it is better to hold one’s peace and give such people the only thing that they are capable of receiving: nonjudgmental warmth. If we were to adhere to that principle, rebuke would be perceived more and more as a genuine manifestation of appreciation for the other.

Loving Rebuke

Before rebuking someone, we must ask ourselves if we truly want to do so. If the answer is affirmative, and we feel driven to rebuke another, paradoxically it is better to hold back and refrain from rebuke. If the answer is negative, we should muster the courage to proceed.

At bottom is a basic question: am I issuing my rebuke for the other’s sake or my own? I could be doing it to relieve tension or release anger, or to bolster my self-esteem by patronizing the other. To do it for another’s sake means helping that person move into a better place. If I feel the urge to rebuke, it is likely that the rebuke will serve my own purposes in some way. When I do not feel like rebuking, it is likely due to a reluctance to hurt the other’s feelings, or a fear that if I criticize them, they will stop loving me. But if, despite everything, it occurs to me to rebuke them, I probably know that they need me. In such a case, the rebuke will come from a place of humility, sensitivity, and precision, and there is cause to hope that authentic, heartfelt words will not go unheeded.

Contemporary public discourse is far from conducive to such constructive rebuke. Unlike Moses, most people prefer to take the easy route and reserve their criticism for those outside their social group. In doing so they may gain self-esteem, and popularity in certain circles, but ultimately, not only the attacked group is harmed; the critic’s group, too, suffers from the widening divides between the various factions in society.