Divorced and Dating: A Continuing Search for Happiness

I never thought I would split from my wife. I was happy. We were happy. We had a beautiful family, and we have five beautiful children that mean the world to us. We left the big city, left everyone we knew behind and moved to Israel.

And then the divorce happened.

Now, I am a single father who is thrust back into the dating world. I’m lucky to live in a large city between Jerusalem and Modi’in. There are prospective dates everywhere, but it’s still difficult for a man to get back into the dating scene. Maybe that’s because I never envisioned myself in this situation before.

I’ve educated myself on the dating world, too.

I run a large Facebook group for dating, I have read articles, watched videos, used my own experience and have had discussions with experts on dating. I like to know as much about a topic before diving in, and the dating world is scary.

Men need to spend a lot of time and energy to find a date. You’re also going to need to spend a bit of money, too. No, I am not talking about paying for dinner. You’ll need to pay fees for dating apps, websites and even certain events where you can connect with singles.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve done it all.

I’m searching for love, and I realize it’s difficult for women, too.

I’ve found SawyouatSinai to be a great choice to meet Jewish singles, and I don’t have to commit too much time or money to the site. It’s been the most effective way to get a date, and the prices are a third of what Jdate is charging*.

Matchmakers do all of the work. They connect you with someone that matches you the best and cuts out all of the messages that I have sent in the past that don’t get a response.

It’s really the most effective method to find a date regardless of your level of religious observance.

And when I say find a date, I really mean finding someone that you “click” with. You know, that person that you can keep the conversation going with and enjoy being around.

We are known for our large families. I have five children of my own, so I fully understand what it’s like to have a large family. Women in their late 30s feel immense pressure when going on a date. As a man, I must recognize this, as should all men in the dating scene.

Women need to take it slow before the first date. It’s a two-sided affair, and women need to leave the pressure at home. The first date isn’t a marriage proposal, and it’s all about having fun. Men, this advice also pertains to you. It’s important to go on a few dates, have fun and then talk about the prospect of marriage before diving in and expecting every date to be the “one.”

While it may seem counter-intuitive, but this is the best way to find someone the soonest even though it may sound like you are wasting time.

Sometimes, there is that magic; that spark that draws you to a person from the first date.

But don’t get your hopes up.

You need to talk about your passions, get the other person to reveal their true self and have a deep discussion that may lead to something special.

In retrospect, my biggest regret is being hesitant to go on that second date. I want to find love, yet I am not allowing that spark to turn into a flame. It’s important to go on that second date to see if you have a connection with a person. Nerves and doubts often cloud our real-self during the first date, and everything is more fun and relaxed on the second date.

If there is a doubt, best to go out. If not, it is acceptable to “ghost someone” — just ignore any of their messages, but best to be straight forward and let them know. Most importantly, never ghost anyone you are likely to run into. Also if you discuss going out again, even if it’s tentative, you need to have the courtesy of breaking it off.

The dating world is tough, and everyone — men and women — both deserve the courtesy of their potential date being open and honest with them when they don’t click.

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*Note: As of today, Jdate charges $57 for a 1 month membership. SawYouAtSinai charges $18.95. Both sites offer substantial discounts if you prepay for 3 or 6 months. Jdate offers a more basic membership which I won’t consider as I will end up contacting people who will need to pay to read my message.  Additionally, Jdate does not have a local presence in Israel (SYAS has local staff and multiple Israeli sites).