Susan Barth
Advocate for Marriage Education in Israel

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Following on the heels of the miracle of Chanukah which we just commemorated, is another lesser known Yom Tov (Jewish holiday) to celebrate a Victory Miracle of major proportions for all of mankind! For Lubavitch Chassidim in particular, the 5th day of the Hebrew month of Teves (tonight and tomorrow) is cause for major jubilation. Why? For the following reason:

Thirty-two years ago on Hei Teves 5747-1987, when the Federal Court of the United States ruled that the Library of Agudas Chassidei Chabad belongs to the Chassidim, the Rebbe proclaimed this as an opportune and auspicious time.

Marking the date one year later, the Rebbe explained:
Each and every year, the same occurrences that took place during that first year are “remembered,” and thereby “experienced” once again—establishing this date as a special day (“yom segula”) and a favorable time (“eis ratzon”) in all matters pertaining to the victory of the seforim. (Shabbos Parshas Vayigash, Hei Teves 5748.)”
Among the seforim (books) and subjects that were near and dear to the Rebbe’s heart were those on the subject of marriage.

In honor of the occasion of the “Victory” for spreading the wellsprings of Chassidut, I want to share with you some marriage tips from “Advice for Life -Marriage” written by The Rebbe.

Daily tip #1 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

Marriage As Education – Marriage is not about transforming or educating your partner. It is unrealistic to enter a marriage with that intention. When a person feels compelled to change because of another person, day in and day out, this creates resentment.

Daily tip #2 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

The Edifice. At a Jewish wedding, we bless the couple that their home be “an everlasting edifice”. This is not just poetry. How does one build a lasting home? In marriage, a solid foundation based on eternal Jewish values is necessary in order to cope with issues that may surface.

Daily tip #3 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

What’s Wrong? Even if you are (almost) completely right and your spouse is (almost) completely wrong, it is still incumbent on both parties to do everything in their power to attempt to see the viewpoint of the other and achieve harmony.

Daily tip #4 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

“The Mark of a Good Relationship is when One of You Does Something for Your Spouse Because you Desire to, not because you feel Obligated.”

Daily tip #5 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

Evoking Peace- Solomon said, “Just as water reflects an image of our face, so does one heart reflect another.” (Proverbs 27:20). A loving attitude, kind disposition and conciliatory feelings will evoke the same emotions in your spouse.

Daily tip #6 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

The Wedding Never Ends- Man and Woman are opposites in numerous ways. The fact that a couple remains together is due to a higher power that constantly enables them to. Therefore, the act of marriage cannot be limited to the wedding celebration, and is ongoing. As such, in marriage we should attempt to tap into the spiritual energy that was available to us on our wedding day. While contemplating this idea, you should recreate the joy that was experienced the day you stood under the wedding canopy.

Daily tip #7 from “Advice for Life Marriage” from The Rebbe

True Harmony – Your marital relationship should be so harmonious that you become an inspiring example for other couples.

Daily tip #8

In the book “Early Years” by Boruch Oberlander/Elkanah Shmotkin, the authors quote the words of a poignant letter by the Rebbe’s father to the Rebbe and Rebbetzin on the occasion of the wedding (which tragically he was prevented by the Russian government from attending), he stated:

“Together, may you live lives of nachat (joy), tranquility, and peace. Always be satisfied and pleased with one another. Proceed together as one mind of one spirit – literally as one person in everything, forever.

Daily tip #9 from the book A Happy Home: The Lubavitcher Rebbe on Marital Harmony

“Since G-d created man with different opinions and emotions, differences of opinion are natural and one should not be afraid of them. At the same time, each person, and especially couples, should try to look for what unites and brings them together instead of the opposite.

Each one should look at the other favorably and emphasize their positive qualities.”

On the occasion of the 5th of Tevet, take advantage of the day to write to or fax the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s resting place – the Ohel and ask for your own miracles as the Rebbe encouraged the entire world to partake. Please take a minute to look at the video:

As Jews, we are known as people of the book. The “Victory” celebrated tonight and tomorrow is a “Victory” for all mankind as we have access to wisdom going back centuries in time.

And with this wisdom, we can truly be the “light unto all the nations” and that starts in the home with shalom bayit and using the tips mentioned here as a starting point.

Good Yom Tom!

About the Author
Susan Barth is founder and director of Israeli non profit Together in Happiness/B'Yachad B'Osher, promoting stronger, healthier marriages impacting Israeli society. A Project Management Professional (PMP) and businesswoman from the US, Susan sponsored and chaired the First International Conference on Marriage Education in Israel (attended by over 360 professionals) in Jerusalem in memory of her parents and launched I-PREP, an innovative marriage education curriculum. On November 8, 2017, Together in Happiness co-hosted with MK Yehudah Glick a historic Knesset seminar promoting government support for pre-marriage education
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