Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny

El Al Service Policy Revealed

El Al made the news recently after the disruption of one of their flights by some Haredi passengers who caused flight delays during the seating process. The Times of Israel has managed to obtain a copy of El Al’s most recent customer service policy.

El Al is committed to ensuring that your air travel experience will be the most Israeli experience possible. Our commitment and responsibilities are as follows:


El Al will continue to provide the highest fare possible to our customers. If a higher fare is found with another airline, we will match it, no questions asked.

Customer Loyalty

EL AL offers its frequent flyers special benefits via our Matmid Club. For every 18 miles flown, you will earn one point usable with El Al or with one of our code-share partners Malaysian Air, Oceanic Airlines, and Egged. Entrance to the Matmid Club is possible for the low fee of $125 or $325 for two. Points are redeemable for up to 3 hours after landing.

Customer Satisfaction/Religious Tolerance

As Israel’s national airline, we strive to do our very best to serve every extremist on our flight. (Except the Muslim ones who are not allowed to board.) We will accommodate all of our passengers’ seating requests provided they are made five minutes before takeoff in a petulant, harassing manner which cause flight delays and penalize those who only want to get home as quickly as possible. El Al is committed to the comfort and satisfaction of all of our customers, except those with a vagina.

In-flight Entertainment

To make your flight more enjoyable, El Al is pleased to announce our new upgraded entertainment system with movies screened on a brand new white sheet which hangs from the ceiling. Our unrivaled selection of new movies include “The Sound of Music”, “The Wizard of Oz”, and “9½ Weeks (subtitles available). For our valued first-class passengers, we will be showing the full documentary Shoah (director’s cut) in the original French.

“Bumped” Passengers in the Case of an Oversold Flight

Because passengers with confirmed reservations on a flight frequently fail to show, we are permitted by federal regulations to sell more tickets for travel than there are seats on the aircraft to reduce the number of empty seats on our flights.  In these situations we offer our “bumped” passengers the opportunity to purchase a new ticket, at full fare, on any one of our competing airlines, providing it is to a different destination.

We welcome our customers’ feedback. Any complaints can be submitted in writing into the cracks of the Kotel.

Our website is best used with Internet Explorer 5.5.

Co-written by Yoav Fisher.

Benji Lovitt is booking standup comedy shows in the US for 2015. For more information, please email

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, Chabads, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. Benji has worked as a cross-cultural trainer with groups including the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Masa Israel and is a popular presenter on the Limmud International circuit. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”