Frum Guide: Frum or Not Frum

Frum or Not Frum: That is the Shaylah
This excerpt is from the Frum Guide (another book to be put out over the next couple of years- frum being Jewish religious in Yiddish)
List of things that make you frum or not frum- study this list and learn what it means, so that you can fit in (the inspiration for this piece is Lenny Bruce’s Jewish/not Jewish rant- it got me thinking what might make somebody frum or not frum):

Jeans- not frum, slacks- frum, short hair on a guy- not frum, short hair on a woman- frum, hair on a woman- frum- but only if it is not yours, short hair on top but long on the sides- frum, playing sports- not frum, playing sports in pants- frum, playing machanaim or dodgeball- frum- only if the woman is wearing a skirt, summer camp- frum, co-ed summer camp- not frum, skiing- not frum, eating- very frum, fasting- not frum, fasting and then eating all three meals right at nightfall- together- frum, talking- frum, woman talking to man- not frum, Rochester NY- not frum, Brooklyn NY- frum, pizza- frum, pasta- not frum, falfel- not frum, choolante- frum, herring- very frum, gefillte fish- frum, sushi- not frum, fast food- not frum, deep fried food- frum, bar mitzvah- not frum, bat mitzvah- very not frum, getting married at your bat mitzvah- frum, king size bed- not frum, 2 beds which could equal a king size bed- frum, refrigerator with a light that works- not frum, crock-pot- relatively frum, hot-plate- frum, computer- not frum, watching movies on a computer- frum, car- not frum, walking- frum, shirt- frum, shirt with colors- not frum, studying Torah- frum, studying literature- not frum, sheitels- frum, toupee- not frum, snoot- frum, beret or bandanna- not frum, trips- not frum, visiting family for simcha- frum, fluorescent lights- not frum, candelabra- frum, hat- not frum, black hat- frum, shopping- not frum, going to the Dollar Store or any store that has a lot of items that sell for a dollar or less- frum, tin pans- frum, cleaning- not frum, cleaning for Pesach- frum, Yeshiva- frum, Seminary- not frum, voting- not frum, complaining about the president or prime minister- frum, board games- not frum, board games on Shabbat- frum, music- not frum, music to lyrics from King David- frum, living in Israel- not frum, visiting Israel and staying at the King David for Sukkot- frum, davening (praying) at the Kotel- not frum, davening at shteibel- frum, goatee- not frum, beard- frum, eating food that was just cooked- not frum, eating leftovers- frum, Bnei Brak- frum status, hiking- not frum, survival skills- not frum, sleeping in a bed- frum, camping- not frum, tents- not frum, tent of meeting- not frum, Beis Hamedrash- frum, hiking in long slacks and a white shirt- frum, heavy-frum, working out- not frum, eating- frum, organic- not frum, vacation- depends, house- not frum, bungalows- frum, motel- frum, hotel- not frum, Mordechai Ben David- frum, Chaim David- not frum, Simon & Garfunkel- frum, plastic dishware- frum, dishes- not frum, 3 sets of fine china for 15 people- very frum, salad- not frum, vegetables ground up and mixed with oil- frum, potato kugel- very frum, singing- frum, musical talent- not frum, wraps of sorts- frumish now, fish in wraps- not frum, deli- frum, quiche- not frum, chicken- frum, non-fatty steak- not frum, flanken- frum, Coke- not frum, Price Chopper on bottle- frum, half a liter- not frum, 3 liters- frum, vegetables- not frum, vegetables in soup- frum, foods an average person from Britain or America can pronounce- not frum, foods a Hungarian can pronounce- frum, eating- frum, drinking- not frum, drinking with your family and underage child at the table- frum, Borscht and Shav- frum, sorrel leaves- not frum, strawberry soup- not frum, fruit- not frum, refreshing- not frum, filling- frum, sorbet with preservatives- frum, diet- not frum, healthy living- not frum, complaining- frum, Galus- frum, Redemption- not frum, non-Jews- not frum, goyim- frum, saving a life- not frum, pikooach nefesh- frum, dentures- frum, fruit salad- not frum, Chagim- not frum, Yom Toyvim- frum, Shabat Shalom- not frum, Good Shabbos- maybe frum if you are talking to a non-Jew, Gut Shabbis- frum, Catskills- frum, Pocanos- frum, Mountains- frum, LA- not frum, Flordia- frum, London- not frum, South Africa- not frum, Antwerp- frum, Golders Green- frum, Israel- not frum, Toronto- frum, Montreal- not frum, Dirty Dancing- not frum, Patrick Swazy with long-sleave shirt- frum, kosher- not frum, Glatt dairy- frum, marriage at 30- not frum, marriage at 17- frum, shadchan- frum, dating site- not frum, SawYouatSinai dating site through a matchmaker- matchmakers not frum, frum, dancing men with men- frum, dancing man with a woman- not frum, man dancing with woman and a handkerchief- frum, soap- not frum, mikveh- frum, sponge cake- frum, tasty dessert- not frum, owning a home- not frum, real estate- frum…

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.