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Mort Laitner

G.I. Joe

Moshe and Mordechai sat in Katz’s Bakery, in Liberty, New York, enjoying their breakfast.

Moshe bit into his bialy, chewed, swallowed and said, “Mordechai, this morning, I watched a show on Netflix called, “The Toys That Built America. It’s a great series. You should watch it. The episode I watched was about G.I. Joe. Remember how your boys loved playing with those real American heroes. They spent hours screaming, smashing and pretending they were macho soldiers winning wars for America. They spent hours shooting G.I. Joe’s rifles, tossing his hand grenades and pushing his jeep up hills and through rivers. They loved pretending they were Rambo. It made them feel like men.

Do you recall when we were kids in the ’50, we’d spent days playing with grey, brown and green plastic toy soldiers. We’d set up two armies, the Nazis versus the Americans. We’d line them up and then smash them down. The Americans always won.

Since we’re talking about winners and losers, did you watch the news last night?

“Yup, I did.”

“Did you see those Jewish kids being threatened and beaten up by those pro-Palestinian mobs.”

“Yup and it was happening at prestigious universities, like Harvard, MIT, Penn and NYU. Those schools don’t seem to give a shit about their Jewish students.”

Moshe, I lay the blame for those kids’ problems on their Jewish mothers. Do you remember in the late 80’s, Jewish moms stopped  buying war toys, like G.I. Joe for their sons? Those mothers chanted, ‘War toys: What are they good for? Absolutely Nothing!’

Well, those mamales were absolutely wrong. It seems that Jewish moms have a propensity for screwing up their kids.”

“Mordechai, you got to be kidding me? You can’t believe what you’re saying. And why do Jewish mothers always get blamed for everything?”

“Nope, I’m not kidding and I believe it. When I was at UM and the Iraqi government was hanging Jews, we protested and a mob of Arab students tried to break it up. It turned into a major brawl. Fists were flying everywhere. No running. No backing down. We stood our ground. We weren’t afraid of bloody or broken noses. We fought like G.I. Joes.

Today’s smart Jewish kids never fought for anything except their grades. Today’s American Jewish kids have been brainwashed into believing their school will protect them. They think their only option is to run and barricade themselves in their dormitories. They talk flight, and not fight. They’ll run and hide by transferring to a safer school. And their parents are no help. They think just because they’re laying out 100 grand a year in fees, that these Universities should be providing bodyguards for their kids. Boy, are they wrong.”

“My friend, you know you make a good point. When I get home, I’m going online and I’m going to buy my grandsons a bunch of war toys, like G.I. Joes. This college generation of Jewish kids may be beyond help but my grandkids won’t be.”

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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