G^d’s private audience with Queen Elizabeth II

On earth, a doorman doesn’t have much status. Even not from the Hilton. Let alone a bouncer at a nightclub. But the one standing at Heaven’s Gate must be one of the top Angels.

A New Arrival

Last week, one afternoon, he sees a small, gray woman with a walking stick approaching. Welcome, he says generously.

The woman looks up and answers: One may feel somewhat discombobulated.

The Angel recognizes her immediately and shouts inside: Lizzy’s here!

We’ve been expecting you, your majesty.

That’s very kind of you, indeed.

Before anything else, G^d would like to meet with you.

She stops (dead) in her tracks and looks surprised. Now? No Heavenly Tribunal, no cleansing of Hell?

Hell can wait, the Head Angel says friendly.

One of her eyebrows goes up. Not a very reassuring remark, maybe.

Just like Pharaoh came to see Jacob as soon as the latter came down to Egypt, there is something to royals among each other.

Well, I hope He won’t ask like Pharaoh asked Jacob: “How old art thou?”

Yes, you know your Bible! Don’t worry about it.

But, I’m unprepared. I don’t know the protocol.

The Angel understands her concern but can reassure her. This is the King of emperors (kings of kings). He doesn’t need any protocol.

The queen now laughs. Yes, the silliness had to stop somewhere.

Before G^d’s Throne

Do sit down, G^d says friendly. You must be tired.

Thank you. She gratefully lowers herself into the comfy chair.

I need to compliment you on the successful part of your journey.

Thank you. It was quite a spectacle.

The eulogies all talk about how hard you worked. No one even mentions how humble you were. They must think that your quick wit came from lucky strikes. We know you’re sharp as a tack. You’ve done well.

Thank you.

You haven’t done much against the brutal British Empire or class system, but within the system, you have always worked against groups fighting each other. I love your latest Christmas broadcasts in which you showed the People in all its diversity. You honored a lot of my children.

Thank you.

And everyone in your family adores you. In such a diverse and divided bunch, that’s quite an achievement.

Thank you.

We know that you tried to be a force for goodness. You have certainly gratified and delighted many people, even on the Left.

Thank you.

Jesus Needs Redemption

Your Highness, may I ask you something before I leave? How strange for me to say: Your Highness.

That’s one reason we have you come here early. To let you grow accustomed to not being royalty anymore. What a relief, no?

It was a worthy job but I would like to retire now.

Granted. What is it that you wanted to ask?

Jesus, what’s with him?

Actually, I expected the Head of the Anglican Church to have asked me that earlier. I would have answered. But, I’ll tell you now. From the start, I liked him. He was a rebel, made people think and nervous, a typical Jewish boy. Yet, his students and their students abandoned his teachings. They stopped asking Jews of their time. While it says very clearly in My Torah …

“And thou shalt come unto the priests the Levites, and unto the judge that shall be in those days, and inquire; and they shall shew thee the sentence of judgment.” – Deuteronomy 17:9.

You know your King James! The operative words are “in those days.” Most Christians (and Muslims) stopped learning from erudite Jews around them. They kept reciting what they heard via-via from Jesus (and Mohammad). That got so distorted. And then, they started oppressing, converting, and slaughtering Jews. Jesus never ordered this. But, it’s done in his name. You understand that weighs heavily on him. This must stop. Was this clear?

Yes, thank you. I hope you will allow Christians to set the record straight.

[The rest of the audience was not revealed to me.]

***

End of this week, my book Come Again, meant to become a movie, will be published. It shows the Satan at work and ideals of Jewish life and afterlife.

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1