Jonathan Zausmer

Glossary for nuclear war (updated)

Following the 2012 Glossary for Nuclear War, new events and current rhetoric have brought about changes, so we are happy to announce several updates for 2013.

Bablat: Pronounced Bubb-lutt, drawn from the Hebrew acronym meaning literally to convolute testicles with no beneficial purpose. Often referring to infinite chatter based on little or no truth and to no good end.
Example: We will do what is needed for Israel’s security in the face of a nuclear Iran.
Meaning: We have no idea what to do in the face of a nuclear Iran.

Bibimaysers: Derived from the Yiddish word Bobamaysers, it refers to stories that have no basis; old wives tales often about children who misbehave. Here is one such story:

Benjy: Daddy, Daddy, those Iranians in the other building hate us and I hate them!
Daddy: Yes I know. Never mind. Let daddy take care of it okay?
Benjy: Daddy, Daddy I am very cross. Very, very cross and I might do something really bad.
Daddy: Oh? Like what?
Benjy: I will burn their building down – so there!
Daddy: And if their building catches alight then this building may also catch alight – then  what?
Benjy: Daddy, Daddy I saw all sorts of things in the basement of the Iranians’ building. They want to set the neighborhood alight and you have done nothing!
Daddy: Benjy, be a good boy, you are misbehaving. Now go and play with those nice Palestinian children downstairs and make sure to give them back their ball that you took from them
Benjy: Daddy, why are you having tea with the Iranians?
Daddy: Benjy darling, it’s not only daddy who’s having tea with them – the whole neighborhood is having tea. Did you give the Palestinian children their ball back?
Benjy: Not yet
Benjy: Hey Ahmad, you want your ball back?
Ahmad: Yes, but that’s not our ball. That’s a small ball. We had a big ball.
Benjy: I know. You want a big ball? Catch this!
Ahmad: No, you catch this!!

Israeli Foreign Policy: A policy conducted by the government of Israel in a diplomatic language so foreign that no country in the world understands it. Orchestrated by a cyclops who stumbles around due to lack of perspective and insight, even within Israel few have ever understood his unique blunderings and utterings.

Foreign Affairs:  The conducting of one or more illicit affairs foreign to one’s designated business. For example, JFK was said to have been involved in a foreign affair with Marilyn Monroe. Bill Clinton was a master of foreign affairs. The previous president of Israel is now incarcerated for his conduct in foreign affairs.

American Foreign: Once known as American Foreign Policy, the word “Policy” appears to have been removed. This is consistent with our previous glossary explaining the Obama Doctrine and as illustrated in this interview by our reporter for the annual Glossary for Nuclear War.

Journalist: Mr. President what do you think of the Assad regime?
President: Mr. Assad must stop waging a war against his own people.
Journalist: Does this mean it would be correct to call Assad the Butcher from Damascus?
President: No. I would say he is more of a meat professional who has cornered a substantial part of the market and we need to work with him
Journalist: So will you not be intervening to stop the slaughter and his use of chemical weapons?
President: No, we will ensure that he puts all his chemical weapons in a closet in his back yard and my good friend Mr. Putin will make sure they all go away.
Journalist: So you trust Mr. Putin to carry out American Foreign Policy?
President: We trust him like a brother to carry out American Foreign.
Journalist: You mean American Foreign Policy? I believe you forgot the word policy?
President: You want policy kid? I gave you health care. That’s policy. Now beat it!
Journalist: But we were allocated a longer interview. Are you cutting it short?
President: Sorry but I have Foreign Affairs to conduct.
Journalist: May I ask with whom?
President: Sure, with President Rouhani. It’s four o’clock. We’re scheduled for tea.
Journalist: Isn’t that illicit in view of sanctions?
President: No, not at all. The whole neighborhood will be there.

Sanctions: The Oxford Dictionary describes the noun as “a threatened penalty for disobeying a law or rule” The same Dictionary also describes the verb as “to give official permission or approval for (an action)”: Example: the scheme was sanctioned by the court
It appears that the noun is no longer in use. So in the case of Iran it would be correct to say: the scheme has now been sanctioned by the U.S. and Europe.

Nuclear Iran: That’s an easy one. Simply put, it means afternoon tea.

About the Author
Originally from South Africa, Jonathan made aliya in the seventies, and lived and worked on a kibbutz for several years. He has a graduate degree in business from Boston University and is a managing partner of an Israeli based business. He was a co-founder of the Forum Tzora peace action group and participates in the Geneva Initiative workshops. He is the author of the book “Valley of Heaven and Earth”.
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