God can’t be everywhere, so He created GPS
to track our movements. We cannot evade His scrutiny.
He knows precisely where we are, and doesn’t have to guess,
and for our peccadilloes won’t grant us impunity.
Now GPS enables Him to know exactly where we are,
with whom we are, and what we’re doing with them, breaking rules
that He imposes on us all, because however far
from Him we try to run away He now has made the tools
to help Him to be Omnipresent. As He claimed before,
He had invented GPS.
This once was hardly true,
but thanks to His brand new invention no one can ignore
His presence. I would have to cancel my next rendezvous
with my beloved neighbor’s wife, and get my act together.
Like Adam in the Garden — there is no way for me to hide
from Him now He has GPS, which keeps me on his tether,
unable to explore, as I once did, my darker side.
There is only one place where His GPS does not work well!
I may just make my rendezvous there: it is known as Hell.