God’s on my side. Reality or hypostatic hubris?

I’ve read an intriguing article on the Times of Israel website about October 7 and God’s plan behind it. While I understand the outrage of some people for framing such a horrible event in the context of divine plans and interventions, I’d like to address a similar topic that we tend to overlook because it’s just so obvious.

God’s on your side, right? How do you know?

Asserting, based on one book the origins of which are dubious at best, and translated who knows how many times, that God is on your side. Condensing infinity of existence to a single book explaining it all. It’s God’s word. God’s will. Your Bible (variations thereof in different faiths) is divinely inspired, and so, God’s on your side because you follow what’s writen in your holy book. Again, how do you even know the translation is as accurate as the original?

While I pray and consider it a form of communication with the Lord and the Lord using synchronicities (engineered events) to communicate with the world, I don’t presume that God is on my side. It is, indeed, an act of hubris to think so.

Even synchronicities are tricky. Say you prayed to the Lord to grant Shlomo Shlekenstein, your dear departed friend, entry to heaven. An hour later, you’re in your favorite restaurant.  Ah. You hear the lyrics of some song, ”Hello from the other side.” Does that mean your friend has given you a sign? Well, either that, or you’re on your way to psychosis.

How do we even know that God uses human concepts as being on someone’s side? We try to understand God with our infinitely limited human mind. Even if you’re a genius, you’re still infinitely ignorant compared to the Lord.

I know some of you write G-d, but I choose to believe that infinite, self-aware, intelligence, the underlying reality from which all springs (hypostasis, if you will) won’t be offended (such a human concept) by using His name, as I’m not using it in vain.

Take the Latter-Day-Saints missionaries. I exchanged views with them several times just to see if the stereotypes are true. As friendly and seemingly well-meaning as they are, at some point, they indeed became robotic and obsessed with their vision of the world. They became like salesmen. I have no doubt they are true believers. Is this belief a result of their own introspection, their search for answers, or indoctrination? That’s another matter.

Yes, their language skills are impressive, and they seem like nice people most of the time, but their thinking is rigid. To be fair, there are thousands of missionaries across the world and I’m sure there are many who are amazing and my experience doesn’t apply to them.

Can all groups have God on their side? Well, if there’s an endless number of realities, it’s actually possible to have a slice of the multiverse for each group with its truth. There are people who, at the threshold of death, claim to stand before the white light. Then, they see a religious figure, a deceased loved one, basically something important to them in their world. Their life experience. Even militant atheists go through it sometimes.

We all live different lives in our own universes and that’s not philosophizing, that’s a fact. When a person dies, it’s like the whole universe dies with them. Sure, we share the consensus reality, but the way we interpret what’s going on in that reality is ours and ours alone. You see it in linguistics with people using phrases, accents, and so on, that mirror their experience in life. A theory? No. A fact. Sure, you can alter your speech and make yourself sound more educated or whatever but erasing your entire life story reflected in your speech? I’d say it borders on the impossible because you’d need to become a completely different person for it to happen. Dissociative identity disorder-level different. By the way, what happens to people with split personalities when they die? How do different faiths address it? Is each personality judged separately? What if one personality is, say, of a five-year-old child? How can you judge the main personality for the actions of other personalities when they are unaware of one another?

Have faith, heresy, blasphemy, and God works in mysterious ways ain’t gonna cut it, lads. Not buying what you’re selling. Too many holes in reasoning.

Can God choose a particular nation to be blessed, to be special? Or is this the power of collective belief, collective mythology, where millions of people convince themselves that God is indeed on their side? Could it be a survival mechanism or a self-fulfilling prophecy where the belief in being blessed is manifested not by God’s grace, but rather by looking for signs of being special, when, in fact, these signs are just everyday occurrences?

It’s likely that millions of Russians really believe they are martyrs destined for heaven once a nuclear war wipes out most of humanity. As Israelis, you know that mindset much better than me, given your extensive experience with suicide terrorism and jihadism in general. In fact, you have quite a few things Poland could use, such as civil defense (look at Finland and then at Poland, let’s just say Poland isn’t exactly ready for Russian missile barrages) and your clearly-defined right to self-defense. In Poland, people are still concerned to hurt a mugger or a home invader in case they get sued by their attacker. Yep, don’t get me started.

Back to ontology (aka the philosophical study of being).

Westerners, well, we’re going to hell. We are Satanic and degenerate. Not sure about our Iranian and North Korean friends. I mean, it’s easier with Iranians who are grounded in Islamic theology but North Koreans, at least overtly, are atheists, though the concept of juche (NK relies on its own resources) is based on the ten commandments, apparently. North Koreans, overwhelmingly, don’t know that, what a shocker, let alone anything about Christianity, and other religions.

We often say we want God to punish our enemies. Hmm. Why not. As long as they deserve a lesson in humility.

I wouldn’t mind God forcefully and punitively balletising and sinicizing Russia. Make them speak Mandarin. Not our Russia, that’s unrealistic, but a similar Z-Russia in another dimension somewhere.

Russians are known for their exquisite ballet skills and high culture. Well, why take it away from them, then? Let’s make ballet, and variations thereof, the focal point of their eternal existence in the afterlife.

Once I’m no longer on this plane of existence, I’d love to take a stroll through the multiverse. I’m going to open up a doorway to the Russian ballet dimension just to have a peek and a laugh as Russians grin through gritted teeth, showing off their imperial pride with swan lake playing in the background, and, as soon as they see me, threatening me with nuclear annihilation as they prance around the Red Square, prodded by demons, much to the amusement of interdimensional tourists and the paparazzi. We can throw in some shows, like, ”Horse ballet,” ”I am Peter the Great,” ”We never attack anyone,” ”Atomic bears balleting in stilettos,” ”Sadistic sputnik,” ”Shlomo Schlekenstein and the Kremlin gremlins,” ”Inebriated Ivan,” ”Saving private Petrov,” ”ISIS on the ISS,” ”Beligerent borscht,” and endless other acts.

But, to be fair, I don’t believe it’s fair to make it forever, although I know many victims of Russian imperialism are going to scream at me right now, ”YES! FOREVER!”

Still, in my opinion, a hundred years of ballet-prancing will do. It would take Russians forever to stop being the butt of jokes and get rid of the ballet nation stereotypes, anyway. That should do the trick to effectively deimperialize their mindset and leave them with one hell of an identity crisis.

To be clear, I wouldn’t expect my feeble attempts at comedy or religious reasoning  to work on a jihadi. Ten seconds in, and I’d be dead with a bullet in my forehead. I don’t believe for a second a real God supports such senseless violence rooted in the sheer hypostatic hubris of ISIS and others. A demon disguised as the Lord is more like it.

So no, jihadis. Your pretty faces aren’t going to paradise – but to hell.