Great Military Victory Of Israel

17 Sivan, 5785

I woke up today over the moon, just like Every Other Living Zionist On This Earth. A surprising, beautiful, and precisely executed strike on Iranian nuclear sites — mazal tov Israel, mazal tov!

Excellent – said Donald Trump, briefly, concisely, and to the point. Today Israel announces to the World its great success, not through defense, but by a preemptive strike.

This obviously also comes with certain inconveniences. Airports were shut down, and My Papa, for example, won’t send me to Mykonos with my girlfriends this summer. As for Cyprus, I can only dream now… I need a safe, secure party plan, far from rockets, terrorists, and American airbases on the Mediterranean Sea.

I’m hellishly bored, and my closet bursts with never-worn dresses. Wars are wars, but these are the twenties of my life. Luckily, I still have Ibiza and Sicily, maybe the Algarve. Tuscany would also be cool. My Aunt has been renting a villa there this season, for a week already. She’s very happy, and her dog runs joyfully among the Italian cypresses, cheerful. Italian summer sounds old-school.

Back to Israel’s enormous military success, loud applause is due to All The Handsome Pilots and Our bombastic (literally!) Army. A free kiss (not necessarily on the cheek) for Every Israeli Soldier — that’s my emotional support program reform, which I’d like to propose to Misrad HaBitachon, The Israeli Ministry Of Defense. A motivational civic gesture, that’s what I called it.

Sometimes, only sometimes, like now, lying in bubbles, I feel the dissonance and inequality of war. I lie calmly in the tub, vanilla candle on the left, matcha with almond milk on the right, meanwhile in Gaza, a Boy younger than me runs with a rifle in a sweaty uniform, risking his life — because no one gave him a choice. Did G‑d want it that way?

I write to make people laugh, I save no one. There’s no punchline, no meaning, no valuable message. It walks in awful, blistering military boots. Its blood fills tunnels, soaks into the Holy Land on the Golan Heights.

In Israel, every day, Children, Teenagers, Beautiful Young Girls and Cute Handsome Boys risk their lives — who should be studying peacefully and taking their first girlfriend on a date… Not running with rifles.

We, meanwhile, drink white wine, snack on peaches, twirl homemade tagliatelle with truffles on the WMF forks, feed our fleeting lovers cherries we won’t remember tomorrow.

We, Europeans, begin our yearly European summer, and Israelis begin another military operation. An operation that will protect not just Zion from Iranian nuclear weapons — but the whole World.

À la santé des Soldats Israéliens! – let the Rex Bibendi raise a toast at every table in Europe today!