Can a year be even more marked by growth as 2018 was? For me, 2018 was the year of change and closing the cycle of an era. The year in which I brought two books into the world and stepped out of the shadows, facing the sun. The year in which I was healed completely and was able to find lots of humor in gravity. The year in which a start of the third book was made. The year in which I found so much inner strength, that I could stand publicly for what I believe in. The year in which I could take over the pendant with a Star of David and cross from my father. This in order to bundle all spiritual forces, to refer to the psychological-spiritual systems Kabbalah and A course in miracles and to connect.
2018 was also the year in which I ended the relationship with Max after being together for 18 years. The year in which “I have not been myself or for all those years” [a Dutch song by Acda and the Munnik] ceased, like a dislocated shoulder that is put back. The year in which connections were broken and in which I wrote down on paper patterns, including ones in the categories savior, victim and advocate. For example, I investigated what I do and do not want and to what extent a Jewish background is actually important to me for a future partner. The year in which I finally could realize at times that I deserve so much more and in which I could find my voice in that. The year in which I learned to maintain my boundaries. The year in which I was thankful for so many people I love who see me for who I truly am and for the new people I got to know. The year in which I got rid of even more stuff, because less is so much more. Above all, the year in which I learned that I can literally do anything, really anything if I have to. I was never a Jewish princess or a show horse. This work horse was driven to the limit in some ways. It wasn’t nice to experience, but I learned that I am inventive; something I could not have discovered in my previous relationship.
2018 also came with a lot of question marks. 2019 will have to provide the answers. A new beginning, not only for me, but literally for so many in a drastic way. In the coaching sessions on personal growth that I lead, I noticed how much acting from a higher consciousness is prominently a top priority and continuum for so many of us. In a December gathering, I got the question: what do you wish for yourself in 2019? Well, think of a work related (r) evolution, losing the unwanted stress kilos and start running again, better managing my time, writing out of love, finishing the third book and creating a lot of peace in my life. Above all, from a place of higher consciousness and my deepest core, I wish for myself the greatest love of all love. ‘Passionate love, once in a lifetime, totally fitting, wake up with a smile, growing old together and still have old people sex kind of love’. It exists. I wonder who it will be. I’m all in, as is put in the very last quote from one of my favorite movies, namely Elizabethtown:
No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy.
A motto of the British Special Service Air Force is, ‘Those who risk, win.’
A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement.
The Pacific Nortwestern salmon beats itself bloody on its quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose.
Sex, of course.
But also… life.