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Judy Halper
Left is not a dirty word

How do you feel about the hostage deal?

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Friends write: How do you feel about the hostage deal?

What do we feel? Joy? Hope? Fear? Anger? Anxiety? Mistrust? Exhaustion?

My answer: All of the above.

Joy, of course, that hostages – any hostages – will finally be released. Joy that for the next 42 days, we will all take a breather (or not, if the planes flying overhead are anything to go by). Joy that troops who have been fighting for over a year will be allowed back to their families (or not, as many are still deployed near or on the border). Maybe even the damn Houthis will stop and see what happens next (or not…).

Hope and fear: The two apogees of our emotional pendulum. Hope that those whose faces shine out of our latest photo collage will come back alive, in one piece. Fear that they won’t. Hope that the cease-fire negotiations will start on time, fear that we’ll go back to fighting before every last hostage is released. Hope against hope that we will find a way to end this war and start to rebuild. Hope, as well that the government coalition that has kept this war going will collapse under its own rank weight. (Way to go Ben Gvir!) Fear we’ll go back to war, just to keep a festering coalition held together with clanking tanks, bent automatic weapons, cowardice and greed.

Anger: We might have reached the exact same agreement months ago, saving numerous lives in the process.

In the double-speak that is the mother-tongue of our prime minister, we can both work toward a cease-fire and vow to keep fighting.

Anxiety and mistrust: In our Schrödinger’s box of hostages, we will not know which of the 33 are alive or dead until we reach the end of the 42-day period. And no, I do not trust either Hamas or our own government to act in good faith. I do not trust our government to do everything within its power to bring every last hostage home.

Anxiety and mistrust: In the double-speak that is the mother-tongue of our prime minister, we can both work toward a cease-fire and vow to keep fighting. Normally I can spot the lie, but this time, it seems like anything from all-out war with Iran to a permanent ceasefire are real possibilities. Trump and his contradictory proclamations only multiply the confusion.

Exhaustion: It seems as though we’ve been protesting forever, that this war has gone one way too long. And yet, we cannot let up now. Not until every single hostage is home. Not until an independent commission is formed to charge those guilty of allowing Hamas to build their strength and attack Israel, and not until every one of them is removed from power.

Does it bother you, I am asked, that there were celebrations in Gaza?

I am glad that someone is able to celebrate even a break in the fighting, and yes, they also have returnees, making even a brief celebration there inevitable. They are the price we pay for our own folly. Let someone welcome them home, such as it is. I am glad they can take joy in the ability to return to their homes, even when they know their homes are no longer standing.

I am sad that we have arrived at this point without envisioning a Gaza in which Hamas does not play a leading role. We are currently handing it back to the remnants of Hamas, and it is not clear if anyone is thinking about the good of the people of Gaza, if anyone is thinking about the diplomacy we need to prevent the next round of violence, about the good of the people who live in Israel.

That is, when I look at the immediate future, yes, the return of hostages is a reason to celebrate with all my heart. But I am pretty pessimistic about so many other things, because not only do I not see an end to the conflict, I see little chance of peace. The current hostage deal is good, but it is not enough, by any means. Let’s please start with negotiations with real intent behind them to bring every last hostage home, to find a way to end the hostilities. Then I will truly celebrate.

About the Author
Judy Halper is a member of a kibbutz in the center of the country. She has worked as a dairywoman, plumber and veggie cook, and as a science writer. Today she volunteers in Na'am Arab Women in the Center and works part time for Wahat al-Salam/Neve Shalom.
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