Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

How to love everyone and G^d?

Many people are best at loving themselves, ‘their own.’ Some are better at loving others, the stranger. (For most, it is not true that you can’t love others until you love yourself first.) For many, it seems easier to love oneself if first, someone else loved them deeply. Whatever the case, we can learn to love everyone, including ourselves.

Contrary to popular opinion, to love is more important than to be loved. Many sustain themselves with little received love by loving others. The story goes that a child of a very tough boarding school was seen to have thrown a piece of paper over the wall. He was called to the headmaster while one sought the snippet. It read: ‘Whoever you are, I love you.’

When it’s hard to love, start with being respectful. The feeling will come.

You may practice on animals, things or ideas. Just, don’t keep it at that.

To Love is a Form of Giving, Not of Wanting.

Love is a form of giving, not of wanting. This is so important that I repeated the subheading’s text.

I love/like my tea is for what the tea gives me. It is a sentimental self-serving entertaining liking, not a generous true repairing building love.

We can love (give) before we like or trust (get from) someone.

Don’t look at what you want someone to give. Rather, look at what they are excellent at already, at what they are capable of or willing to give.

Make it about the people deserving of your love. Not about what that could get you, the world, the past, the future, others.

Look at their contribution in general. Not at what you want to receive from them. Their life might not be about serving you. But you could serve them, if you wish.

Try to let your love flow. Don’t force it out through obligating yourself. It would make you resentful. They can’t help it that you forced yourself.

Set the example more than expecting others to improve. When you know how hard it is to perfect yourself, you won’t be so hard on others finding it hard to perfect themselves.

True love does not demand, bind, obligate, force, violate,

See, Hear, and Praise Others

A superb way to love is to think with them about them.

Feel for them. Cry with them. Laugh with them. Listen to them. Shut up.

Look at who someone truly is, the good in them.

Look at the good visible in them now. Not at what they should/could be.

Try to give them what they need most today. Ask them. What can I do to make your life more beautiful today?

People Cannot Change

Don’t expect people to change but peacefully expect us to improve. Hatred, dislike, and demands make it almost impossible to improve.

No one can change because in essence, we are fine. Tell people, “Don’t ever change.” But we can become more ourselves.

When we properly love someone, the person will have an easier time to become themselves more.

When we want someone to change, most of them will perceive that as, I hate you. Love people as they are, where they are, and they will change.

Getting to Know You is Getting to Love You

Ask about their lives, thoughts, and feelings to get to know them better.

Wanting someone close(r) and sexual love are a form of liking, not love.

Though, having sex may make someone feel loved when they are made to feel important, not just a prop in the life of others.

For many people, love and closeness are the strongest when shared in a monogamous sexual relationship. Don’t make loyal your partner, who put all of his/her eggs in your basket, suffer from a lack of love.

Being properly loved by one person shatters all one’s emotional distance to others, ends all of life’s loneliness.

Not all love needs sex; not all physical closeness needs sex; not all emotional closeness needs love. But the best sex is with someone who loves you and is emotionally close to you.

Jealousy is not begrudging others but insecurity about their own worth.

Learn to Receive Love

G^d called Adam alone. So, love from G^d and self-love cannot suffice us. Everyone needs human love from someone else too.

There is nothing wrong with wanting, needing to receive. But request. Never take.

No-one should only give and never receive. Everyone deserves and needs love unless you’re G^d. Make sure you also love some people who will love you too. Most people, when properly loved, will love back too.

Some people need to learn to sit still and let someone compliment, love them. To receive is an art too.

Two needy or two selfless people (and in fact, any group of people) can take turns loving the other.

See also my previous pieces on Baseless Love, Is Altruism Egotism too, and Pure Altruism.

How to love G^d?

G^d is Beyond Abstract and Needing, so loving G^d is a tad more difficult. Only a tad.

There never is a conflict between loving G^d and loving people. But with G^d, it’s often not so urgent. G^d can wait when you’re busy loving needy people. When you shower G^d’s children with love, you love G^d.

You may look for the Good He gave already. For things to be grateful for.

Be grateful. All the time.

But loving G^d is not about what you received or may receive. G^d is not your tea (see above). That’s merely liking G^d. Wanting to have.

Gratefulness may be a way to understand and grant that G^d loves us.

It is true that we need to love, but loving G^d we can still do not for our sake. Rather, just as a proper expression of who we are.

Loving G^d is to team up with G^d and all fellow humans, now, past and future, to join in perfecting the world, in particular, humankind.

When you want to team up with G^d and all people, that’s when you love G^d. And when you act upon that deep wish, you show your love for G^d. All true social activists, therapists, and lovers are lovers of G^d.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here:
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