When I first came out with my blog, the excitement and thrill was palpable. I got such great feedback and felt super pumped about writing.
I wrote my second piece, something that I thought would be relatable and thought-provoking, and the readers’ responses echoed just that. People would begin to ask me randomly, “So Chavi, what are you writing about next?” I would respond with, “Not sure, whatever comes naturally to me.” That’s how I like to groove; when an idea comes organically, I just put pen to paper, and the rest is history.
Yet, whenever I started writing, I would stop midway, negative thoughts began knocking in my head. This idea is not worthy enough of writing about, this article may offend someone, or this topic is too choppy. Aghh, it is quite a challenge to ‘be a writer’ (whatever that means). Consequently, I would abruptly halt my articles, leaving many dazzling ideas half baked, as they would smile back at me casually and calmly teasing me on my desktop.
Inspiration is a tough one and comes with ebbs and flows of life. To be inspired, you need to be mindful and emotionally intuitive within yourself and your surroundings. Generally, the daily musings of life inspire me when I am in the right headspace. Lately, I don’t feel like I am.
Funny, right? Covid is ‘over’ practically here in Sydney, so no longer can I mope about lockdowns. Life is reviving, and I can finally enjoy the small pleasures, mainly sitting in a coffee shop (YAY)! Work is also back, and there is nothing like being in the classroom, yet I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. My mind and thoughts are discombobulated, and I feel like a chicken without a head. I guess I am missing the laid-back life that Covid granted me and the fact that it forced me to take a huge step back and chillax.
In life, whatever we are used to is comforting and kind; we all hate the unknown. Now, I feel as if I am being thrown back into the deep end of life. ‘Back at it,’ *exhausted face* would be the caption on my Instagram posts if I were to publish my current feelings. (I am working on lessening my social media presence as per my previous article “I am a victim of Social Media – Are you?”).
Of course, I couldn’t wait for the day that lockdown would end, yet when push came to shove, it was surprising how quickly things could change. My friend asked me how my weekend was, and I promptly responded, “too much socialising, I need to acclimatise myself lol.” In actuality, I am sure that many of us feel that way. We are being hurled right back into our everyday lives, and we are just not ready.
Ironically, I feel the inspiration kicking in as I write now, and my creative juices are beginning to flow. This shows me a few things. At times, you just need to act, and the inspiration will come. As the anonymous thirteenth-century sage known as The Chinuch wrote, “Adam Nifal Lefi Peulotav – A person is led upon by his works.” And nonetheless, I need to calm and pace myself – taking one step at a time. As Kohelet (Ecclesiastes 3:1) quotes, “Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.”
I don’t know what I am going to write about next, nor do I know how I will tackle tomorrow, but that is not of utmost importance. As long as I am trying, that is paramount. Will all like my style of writing? (Unique it most definitely is). Will perhaps people misconstrue my words? (Indeed). Will my writing confuse people? (Probably) – well, welcome to my life.
The uninspired writer, Chavi