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If real life were like Facebook

...it would be a world in which some guy keeps showing up and telling Gary he's a fascist



Bill, Ted, Marsha, and Aryeh meet on their lunch break. Aryeh shows a picture of his dog drinking water from a garden hose.

Marsha says, “So cute!”

Bill gives Aryeh a thumbs up.

Ted, inexplicably, makes a funny face that could be either a wink or a grimace.

A guy approaches, describing himself as a “friend” even though Bill, Ted, Marsha, and Aryeh have no idea who he is. “I’m a cat person,” he says.


Sylvia shows up moments later and shows off a picture of her niece’s bat mitzva. Ninety passersby say, “Mazel tov!”


Len, Gary, Susan, and Rosalie approach. Len takes out an essay written by Alan Dershowitz. “This is a must-read,” says Len, and begins reading it aloud to the others.

Gary says, “He’s right about Hamas, but he’s a typical liberal if he still believes in the two-state solution.”

Susan gives Gary a thumbs up.

That guy shows up again and says Gary is a fascist.

Len asks the guy who he is. The guy says he’s a friend of a friend.

Susan thinks, “He may be a friend of a friend, but he’s not my friend.”

The guy tells the others that Susan is also a fascist, but she can’t hear him.


Isaac, Richie, Allan, Eliana, and Ingrid join the group. Eliana says they should take a quiz called, “Which member of the Von Trapp Family are you?”

“I got Kurt,” says Isaac.

“I got Louisa!” says Susan.

“This is scary — I am so Liesl,” says Ingrid.

The others give them a thumbs up.

The guy says that Captain von Trapp was a fascist.


Sylvia holds up a picture of her son graduating medical school.

“Mazel tov,” replies Eliana.

Seventy-five other people give her a thumbs up.


Gary stands up and loudly begins reading from an article by Charles Krauthammer. “He gets it!” says Gary.

Len responds, “Krauthammer doesn’t acknowledge that it was the Bush administration, which he supported, that got us into this mess. Brent Scowcroft was arguing back in 2003 that regime change in Iraq would be a disaster.” He continues for another 10 minutes.

Gary fires back, “You can’t keep blaming Bush for your boy’s mistakes.”

Len responds, “So now you’re not just ignorant, you’re a racist.”

The “friend of a friend” guy urges everyone to watch a video suggesting Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks.

Isaac leaves to play Scrabble with a friend.


Aryeh holds up a copy of his latest blog post in the Times of Israel and urges the others to read it.

No one responds.


Aryeh holds up a picture of his eight-month-old niece eating Jello with her hands.

Three-hundred passersby give him a thumbs up.


Richie tells the group that he has sad news: Chester, his schnauzer-poodle mix, has passed on after a long struggle.

“So sad,” says Eliana.

“My thoughts are with you,” says Marsha.

“Mazel tov!” says Susan.

“He was a brave schnoodle,” says Aryeh.

“I’m sorry, Richie,” says Susan. “I thought I was talking to Sylvia.”


Len starts reading aloud from an article from The New York Times.


Gary starts reading aloud from an article in the Wall Street Journal.


Len recites an article from the Forward.


Gary declaims an article from Arutz Sheva.


All the others turn to Sylvia, who is showing pictures from her vacation in New Zealand and Australia.


Margery shows up, asking if anyone has any advice for someone who has spilled red wine on her daughter’s admission letter to Yale.

“Omigod, Margery!” says Ingrid. “Did Caitlin get into Yale?”

“I was going to mention it, but I didn’t want to sound like one of those mothers,” says Margery.

“Be careful,” says Gary. “Ivy League faculty hate Israel.”


Richie tells the others, “Well, I guess it’s time to get back to work.”

There’s a stunned silence, then gales of laughter.

“Oh Richie,” says Eliana. “You are so funny.”

Ted either smiles, grimaces, or cries tears of joy; no one is sure which.

About the Author
Andrew Silow-Carroll is editor in chief of the Jewish Telegraphic Agency. He was previously editor in chief and CEO of the New Jersey Jewish News and managing editor of the Forward newspaper.
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