If Ruth had been Australian…

Way back when, out the back of beyond, and Naomi and her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Oprah were hit hard by the drought.  Not only that, all three of them had come a cropper. Their house and husbands were cactus. Oprah racked off to Tassy, so just Ruth and Naomi were together, somewhere near the black stump.

“Good riddance,” says Naomi. “She always was a bit of a bludger. You should nick off, too. I’m up the creek without the proverbial and you know it.”

“You’ve got Buckleys,” says Ruth.

“Onya.” says Naomi. They hung out a bit and heard life was good over in Bethlehem. “I’m good to go,” said Naomi. When they got there, they were asked “Eryagoin?” and, “Are you Naomi?”

“From now on, call me Nomez and this here is Rotta,” she replied.

Ruth went out in the barley field for a bit of hard yakka.  “I’ll go see if I can pick corn near the boss,” (Ruth was not great at botany) and by chance she went to the part of the field that belonged to Boaz.

Boaz saw Ruth and asked her, “Are you Rotta, that came here with Nomez? We come from the same mob!” And then he told his workers to lay off her. “Methinks she’s a bit of alright,” he said to himself.

Then, Naomi had a brain wave. “This bloke, Bazza? Last time I saw him he was an ankle biter but Dad always said he’d come good and that he’s pretty flush as well. He’s gotta be good for a cuppa. He is family after all. Why don’t you fang over to his place tonight?

“Dead set?” said Ruth because her mother-in-law was sending her off to a man’s tent. She thought about it and said, “I’ll give it a burl,” but when she got there, he’d been on the bottle and was a cot case. Ruth flaked out at his feet.

At about midnight, he woke up. “Strewth! What are you doing here? Gimme me dacks a sec,” he said.

“It’s me, Rotta, Bazza! Honest, I just crashed here.”

Boaz thought to himself, “Steady on, she’s no tart. Maybe she bent the elbow a bit too much last night, too.”  In the morning, he gave her a doggie bag and she left quick smart.

“Hoora, then,” said Ruth.

“Hoora,” said Boaz.

He went down the local to see the lie of the land and his mates there told him how to do the right thing by her. Boaz took off his thong to seal the deal, as was done in those parts.

A bit later, Naomi had a grandson to hold, called Obed, but they quickly changed his name to Obie. “Half your luck,” said the other women. And at the end, it was apples.