Dina-Perla Portnaar
Author | speaker | transformational coach - practice in personal growth, empowerment and spirituality | no blabla | mind building | transformation


There are a lot of questions in dating land and maybe no perfect answers. Social media and dating apps are definitely worth it and do make our lives easier and richer in some ways. We can even get to know people from all over the world if we want to. In a lot of cases, we can actually find what we are looking for. Like my neighbors, who met on a dating app and are (truly) happily married now with two children. Yet at the same time, the whole #instaperfect world we live in comes with massive challenges, even when there is a once in a lifetime kind of match at play between two people and if both the connection and attraction are insanely strong.

Dating like hopping from one AirBnB to the other

Looking at those #instaperfect women, I wonder, when does classy sexiness and femininity become streetwise tasteless debauchery? Also, can women ever do it right? Besides, there will always be women who look better, who are more successful so to speak and so on, when we compare ourselves that way. Clearly, when feeling this way, it means that I am not 100% content about where I am at right now. Our job is to stay within ‘our own territory’ and to become the best people we can be.

How intimate can we actually get with someone and mostly with ourselves if we treat dating like hopping from one AirBnB to the other, or like a sales funnel and database to work through because the choices are endless and intriguing? Has the whole experience, globalization and digitalization era made us half-hearted, or is this a matter of all times and part of ‘the process’? How about not starting something we don’t want, or cannot pursue? Are we butchering the possibility to be and stay with a soul mate or twin flame in the #instaperfect era? Or, are we bound to stay alone and/or lonely?

Deep knowing

If we do have an insane and once in a lifetime connection and attraction with someone, we shouldn’t care about the BS such as likes or comments on sexy pictures. BS doesn’t mean anything in comparison to what is unquestionably real. Envy is ugly anyways. If we truly care about someone, we let them have what they need to some extent and we love no matter what. If we are meant to be together and right for each other, then that will happen at some point. Deep knowing means loving and staying away from lower vibrations such as fear. Love cannot be forced. It means embracing love in all areas of life, as a way of living. It means holding on to a vision, while being flexible with the exact outcome.

Though, if we get to know someone and are blown away by that person, if there is a natural flow, ease and peace between two people, then wouldn’t we want to nurture and treasure that connection and attraction from day one in a mature way? Wouldn’t we want to not take that for granted, even if we are in the discovery phase?


Many discussions during the personal growth sessions I lead and a lot of asking around proved how many people are dealing with exactly what I just described. Many are trying to set boundaries and change themselves in their inner world to change the outcome in the outer world. And boy, are there many stories out there. I think people need to be very sensitive with social media, because most of the time, when we comment or like, it is because we want that person to know that we are watching. That says a lot. Cleary, I want to be gracious and wise when opening myself up to someone, but there are no guidelines, or I might not know the rules and therefore be a bit lost. Moreover, we all have our own path, choices, reasons and evolution. I also simply might be the genuine, intense, classic and yes, romantic type. Welcome to the next generation of customization.

About the Author
Author | speaker | transformational coach - practice in personal growth, empowerment and spirituality | no blabla | mind building | transformation
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