Jealousy or the Bigger Picture

My wife Daniella, told me about a former classmate who seemed to have it all. She married right after high school to an unbelievable person, settled in the picturesque Mitzpeh Yericho (even got married at the magical wedding hall there), and they built a beautiful life together with their four children. For many of my wife’s classmates, who were still single at the time, it was difficult not to feel jealous, as their life seemed like a picture-perfect dream.

Last month, that dream shattered. Her husband, serving in the IDF, was killed in Lebanon and people’s perception of her situation shifted instantly from jealousy to heartbreak. A family life that had seemed so dreamy now stood as a single mother raising four children, while at the same time, grieving an unimaginable loss of a husband and father.

Looking in hindsight, was the jealousy people felt unjustified? If it wasn’t, how could their perspective change so drastically?

The answer lies in how jealousy often works – it fixates on a snapshot of one point in time, without understanding the full picture, an idea in parallel from this week’s parsha. Yaakov gives Yosef the kutonet passim, the coat of many colors. This small gesture of favoritism sparks deep jealousy among Yosef’s brothers. They see him as special in their father’s eyes and feel slighted by comparison. Yet fast forward to Parshat Vayigash, when Yosef reveals himself as the second in command of Egypt, and we see a dramatic shift. The same brothers who at one point in time, wanted to kill him, now feel ashamed in front of him. What changed?

The brothers’ jealousy was rooted in focusing in on Yosef’s privileged position at one specific moment – his favored status as their father’s favorite. What they failed to see at the time was the broader context. They couldn’t have known that this same Yosef, whom they envied, would soon be sold into slavery and endure unimaginable hardship. Only later, when they saw the full circle of Yosef’s journey, did their jealousy fade.

This pattern is all too common in our lives. Jealousy blinds us to context. It makes us zoom in on one desirable aspect of someone else’s life without seeing the sacrifices, struggles, or challenges they’ve faced.

We tend to admire someone’s financial success, their big house, newest Tesla’s and picturesque vacations. But what we don’t see are the long nights at the office or the stress that comes with maintaining that lifestyle. Alternatively, we may feel envious of someone with a seemingly perfect family life, without fully understanding the realities behind closed doors.

Jealousy thrives on selective perception, but fades when we recognize that everyone carries burdens invisible to the outside world, but that are uniquely suited to their path (for any reason, known or unknown).

Our life’s journeys are not meant to be compared snapshot to snapshot with others. Each person gets married, promoted and extra blessed at the time and place that’s perfect for them.

Life in its happiest form, must be lived with gratitude in appreciation of our own unique journey.

Shabbat Shalom!