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David Kilimnick

JERUSALEM TOUR: Chevron Road

Beginning and End of the Road

You can See more buildings made out of Jerusalem Stone. That would be right over here, to your right and left, in Jerusalem. It is a unique stone to Jerusalem, as the rest of the world calls it limestone.

We are now traveling up Chevron Road, called Chevron because you will reach Chevron if you continue a half an hour past the end of the road, and make many turns. Chevron Road does take you to Beit Lechem. Beit Lechem Road is the street under Chevron Road which does not lead to Beit Lechem. Like every other road in Jerusalem, Chevron Road connects to Jaffa Street at some point, after it has changed its name a good 8 times.
Roads change names every few feet, as to honor the many people that have toured the city whose names now take up a block. Let us continue on this very complicated tour of Jerusalem. We are now on a different street, but do not worry, it is the same street.

We are not going to go into Beit Lechem, but we will take a little jump into Kever Rachel, the Tomb of Rahel. To get the full Beth Lahem Jewish experience, we are now driving threw barricades. Do not worry, the barricades are on both sides. You will be able to safely drive through Beit Lechem without seeing it.
We are now at the Tomb of the Rachel, the matriarch. Those people are not trying to push over the tombstone. They are praying. One of the finest prayer spots as we learn that she cries for her children, Jews have been going to her grave-site for millenia to cry about how their children have also let them down.
If anybody would like to purchase red string, now is the time to do it. You can be assured that this has been rapped around Rachel’s gravestone and is not the yarn racket they have running in the old city.
Is everybody enjoying the tour.

Mishkanot Sha’ananim was the first Jewish neighborhood built outside the walls of the Old City. Now it is a guesthouse. Yemin Moshe gets credit for the rest of the neighborhood, because it is easier to say.
Moses Montefiore had something to do with this. He had money and like any Jew living outside of Israel with money, he purchased real estate in Jerusalem. Thus starting the tradition of unaffordable housing for the locals.
There is a windmill and a carriage that Montefiore must have ridden on at some point in his life. Apparently it got stuck right under the windmill. The windmill is a monument created by the city of Jerusalem so that people can tell their dates where to meet.
Following in the non-citizen purchase role, Moses Montefiore renovated the Tomb of Rachel.

Enough of that. Lets check out the Mount Zion Hotel. This is a nice looking hotel. With the classic Jerusalem feel, this hotel sticks to the oval Jerusalem structure in the rooms and gives the tourists the ancient feel of Jerusalem stone and discomfort.

Lets cross back over the Bnai Brith walking bridge. This is an example of an organization that could not find anything of substance to donate. It is a bridge, and cars cannot drive on it. I am also at a loss. Hadassah gave a hospital. You can do better Bnai Brith.
The Menachem Begin Heritage Center. Its a museum. This museum commemorates the life and lessons of Menachem Begin. As you experience this lover of Jews, as you walk through the museum you will learn that not one achievement was in thanks to Ben Gurion. That is the message of the museum.
Lets take a three hour tour of the museum. I understand that you paid me $500 to show you around. And here I am showing you that this is a museum.

How did you all like the museum? The day is over already. I am off the clock. I hope you appreciate the knowledge I imparted to you all today.

Wait, we just missed the Jerusalem Cinematheque. Its a theater. They show movies. Uniquely, it is in Jerusalem. For tomorrow’s tour, we will be hitting the movies. And we will have the Israeli movie experience of watching movies with subtitles. Nice.
Maybe I will even drop you off at the Shai Agnon House. Shai Agnon used to live in the house. Now, this deceased Nobel Prize Laureate for literature does not. That is it for the next two days of this tour; museums and movies. If you are good, I will work overtime and show you a mall.

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.