JERUSALEM TOUR: Heading Down to Talpiot

Armon Hanetziv- And we are heading back to Derech Chevron. We are not running this trip well. We were just on that street. The Tayelet was nice. We all got good food at that wedding we weren’t invited to. Better than paying for pretzels at the ice cream cart.
Looking out straight ahead of you is the Armon Hanetziv neighborhood, also known as East Talpiot for those people who do not have money. We are now looking at what is known as an undeveloped piece of land. This means nobody has built anything on it. This means it is barren.
Beyond the piece of land are buildings and people who could not afford to live in the Rechavia and Talbiyah neighborhoods. These are also known as the people that are not wealthy enough to enter the Old City through the Jaffa Gate. They must enter through the Zion Gate and walk up a path which dirties their shoes, and thus shows that they are from the poorer areas. Even though they own homes due to their leaving they made in America and the schools they are working at in Israel, along with their friends from Baka, they are still not native Israelis. As such, there is nothing to see here.
It is considered an illegal settlement neighborhood because Jews live here. The Arab neighborhoods surrounding it however, do use Armon Hanetziv for medical services and water and electric, when they are no protesting Armon Hanetziv’s existence.

We are back on Derech Chevron. Look, a gas station. We are now at Kikar Bankim, known as the ‘Corner of Banks’ because there are no banks. You can continue up to your left, if you have a wedding to get to and you want to get lost on side streets that are all a dead end. Kibbutz Ramat Rachel was founded in 1926, with the goal of building a wedding hall in a tent. Now it boasts a wedding hall with a roof that nobody can find until they get lost.
Continuing with the theme of Sheekoon living, we are now going to move towards Talpiot. The real Talpiot. The Sheekoon being the poor area ghetto homes that run two million shekel for 60 square meters.

Talpiot- We are now moving into one of Israel’s biggest industrial zones. As such, you will find digital phone shops.
Founded in 1922, to be a garden community, in all of Talpiot you will not find one blade of grass.
You can go to eat here. You can get Shipudim/skewers or Shipudim/skewers. Skewers are an Israeli invention. They are a stick that you use to put meat on, which you can then use for a weapon. The story goes that somebody opened up a skewers place and it was successful. So the guy next to him, opened up a skewers place and it was successful. Noticing that two skewer places are successful, another businessmen noticed that skewers is a good thing to open up in Talpiot. Now, there are 20 skewers places in Talpiot and they are not successful. However, in the tradition of Talpiot, they still sell skewers.
The story goes that there was one falafel place in Jerusalem. And then somebody saw that it was successful and he opened up a falafel place. And then another guy thought falafel is a good idea; it seems to sell. Then they started opening up falafel stands all around the Middle East. The point is that falafel, skewers, chumus and pizza, are all Israeli inventions.
The same story happened with the guys that sell the tiny darbukas in the Old City Shuk. One guy saw that nobody was buying them. And then he said, ‘Nobody is buying them, I am going to sell tiny hand-drums that nobody can play too.’ And the story goes on from there. And then they saw old copper and said, ‘That is something my grandmother owned. I should sell that too.’

The main garage center of Jerusalem is also located in Talpiot, as people do not live there, and this way they can drive their cars there to get them fixed, when they break down. In connection with one of its Jewish founding fathers, the Palestine Land Development Company, you will find many Palestinians working at the garages.

And now, you can see another mall. We are going to let you do some more shopping. As your guide, I feel it is important to take you into the mall. This mall was built a good twenty years ago and to this day it stands as a mall. OK.

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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