JERUSALEM TOUR: Places You Missed on Derech Chevron

Abu Tor- This is a mixed Jewish and Arab neighborhood. You can tell, as there are barricades around the homes. 
Locally known for water contamination, around Jerusalem we all had to use bottled water for two days and we still remember. That is why we try not to mix too many neighborhoods.
Historically, Saladin’s army took Jerusalem from crusaders, and then there was contaminated water in 2013. Being the hero he was, Saladin did not share the spoils with other people. He put this guy Sheikh Achmed who had something to do with a bull, in charge of the area, hence the name Abu Tor and the Arab name Achmed. Abu Tor is also known as the ‘Hill of Evil Counsel’ by the Arab Chrisitains, because the priest taking confession never really listened.

The Old Railway Station, to your right, was built in 1892 and has not worked since. Known for taking up good land that could be used for housing, it is now used for useful forms of transportation, by foot.
At one point it did work for a few months, back in the early 1900’s, but then the union went on strike. Many of the older Israeli population still remember those weeks with the train and the one trip it made to Tel Aviv, successfully. The citizens of Jerusalem protested once they realized that the train ride was shaving a good 45 minutes off the trek to Tel Aviv.
The brainchild of Jerusalem’s mayor, the Old Railway Station has recently been renovated to keep out Charedim. Programs keeping the religious people out include exercise, restaurants, shopping and Friday night services, as services is not what religious people do. Religious people do not pray together, they daven together. There is also a mall and everything looks modern and is thus forbidden.
The railway station was never fully finished, as there is a house that was apparently not for sale. You can see the house across from Liberty Bell Park, built in protest of advancement of society. In their commitment to the past, you can see these reactionaries hang their laundry outside, in protest, right next to their satelite dish.

The Khan Theater is the theater located over there. We are moving.

You will notice a gym. A basketball soccer field, as that is a sport that is played in Israel. Hence, the soccer goals under the basketball hoops. The games usually begin with one team wearing hi-tops and the other team wearing cleats, and then punches are thrown.
You will notice a supermarket. That is also part of the Jerusalem living experience.

The Tayelet. Oh look, we are at the Tayelet.
The Tayelet is also known as Jerusalem’s promenade, as there is no beach. 1,300 meters long, you can walk. Known as the main look out of Jerusalem the Tayelet is the closest thing Jerusalem has to a beach. Sometimes you might even see somebody running on the Taylet, in shorts.
If you look out, from the outlook, you can see Jeusalem. I should have probably taken you here first, and then we could have finished the tour.
If you are not looking at the Tayelet itself, you can see the Kotel, Domb of the Rock and everything that is not the Tayelet. If you look to your left, you can see my house. You should see my porch. I let my clothes dry out there. I have a nice view of the Knesset. Tomorrow, I will take you on a tour of my home and the Israeli Home Entertainment System.
Behind you, you can see affordable living. That is also known as Armon HaNatziv, and people who could not afford to live in Rechavia.

The Tayelet is a great place to go at night and get attacked.
If you are hungry, there is an ice cream truck which has not moved since it found it’s rightful spot in Jerusalem, 20 years ago, as they found out that tourists spend more. You can have the full tourist experience by spending 13nis on a 6nis ice cream bar.
I will let you all do your shopping right here. The other truck, is not as good and sells stuff for cheaper. I know the guy who runs this truck and do not worry, he is very honest and he will give me the necessary kickbacks. I do not want to make you feel awkward, that is just my job. You can shop anywhere. However, if you want to have the real Middle Eastern experience, you should pay more.
There is a very nice wedding hall, right down there- in the middle of the promenade, and a guy running though it with his shirt off. You can all enjoy the wedding hall and the hors d’oeuvres of the private event taking place in the middle of our walk. As long as you do not ask, the food is free. Not being a guest makes the experience of eating at the smorgasbord a greater pleasure, as you do not need to purchase a gift for the bride and groom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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