Keeping the Baby When Tossing the Bath Water

There’s a lot of kvetching going on. It’s legit, at least somewhat.

After all, we’re undergoing an existential war. More than 1,000 of our people were massacred. Our soldiers are still being maimed or killed. Our young women, true lionesses, have been parenting solo for months. What’s more, many of our brothers and sisters of all life stages have been displaced from their homes for over a year.

Yet, it’s vital for us, when focusing on our losses, not to also ignore our gains. Whereas many grievous events have happened and ought not to be minimalized, rationalized, or denied, it’s also the case that, concurrently, many wonderful occurrences have taken place.

Consider the array of kindnesses actualized by civilians to support members of the IDF. Food has been prepared and delivered. Tzi-tzis have been tied and delivered. Money has been raised to buy field supplies, medical supplies, and more and those items have been delivered. Folks of various ages and from various geographies have rallied and have helped to literally fight on behalf of Am Yisrael.

Weigh, too, the sudden and real disappearance, among Jews of various stripes, of predispositions toward each other. Stories abound of shared health care, collective spiritual boosts, of pooled housing resources, including to strangers, and so forth.

Additionally, contemplate that members of the Klal, who are living outside of Israel, have been caused to reify their Jewish identity. It’s sad that enflamed antisemitism is the catalyst, but such horrific rhetoric seems not to melt, but to forge, us.

In the end, endured hardship is not a zero-sum gauge. At the same time as we need to concede our suffering, we need to acknowledge our growth. Whereas bravehearts will strengthen themselves no matter the amount, or lack thereof, of external validation, most of us ordinary people function better when our encounters are legitimized. That is, it’s okay, even sometimes essential, to complain, but it’s correspondingly necessary to remain grateful, to search for and to celebrate the good in even the most dreadful involvements.

Rebbetzin Rachel Reckles expressed, in “A Time for Thanks,” that just by being grateful for the good in our reality, even in times of seemingly overwhelming difficulties, “we can make our lives a heaven on earth.”

She suggests we internalize the following gratitudes;

Thank You, Hashem, King of Kings and Master of the World!

Thank You for the infinite times that You helped me, supported me, rescued me, encouraged me, cured me, guarded over me, and made me happy.

Thank You for always being with me.
Thank You for giving me the strength to observe Your commandments, to do good deeds, and pray. Thank You for all the times You helped me, and I didn’t know how to say, “Thank You.”

Thank You for all the loving kindnesses You do for me each and every moment. Thank You for every breath I breathe.

Thank You, Hashem, for all of the things I do have, and Thank You for the things that I don’t have.

Thank You for my periodic difficulties.
Thank you for my occasional setbacks, and for the times when I don’t feel happy, because everything You do is for my ultimate benefit, even if I don’t see that it’s always for my best.

Deep in my heart I know that everything that comes from you is the very best for me and is designed especially for me in precision and exacting Divine Providence, of which only The King of Kings is capable.

Thank You for the challenging times.
They enable me to fully appreciate the good times, for only after being in darkness can one appreciate the light.

Thank You for the wonderful life you have given me.
Thank You for every little thing that I have, for everything comes from You and from no one else.

Thank You for always listening to my prayers.
Creator of the World, I apologize from the bottom of my heart for all of the times I didn’t appreciate what You gave me, and instead of thanking You I only complained.

I am dust and ashes and You are the entire universe. Please keep me close to You and don’t ever cast me away.

In short, as long as we have breath, we can and ought to be aware of all that Hashem gives us. We don’t have to understand or like the complications that we undergo. We do, however, need to remain appreciative of our multifold gifts.

Possibilities for rudimentary blessings are within al of our reach. We are alive. (Some of) our dear ones are alive. We are free to pray. We have a kesher, a connection, with HaKadosh Baruch Hu to Whom to pray. Each dawn promises hope.

Moreover, we can give thanks for details particular to each of  us. We have the safety of an apartment or of a space designated for displaced persons in which to dwell. We have food to eat. We have friends. We have champions who willingly laydown their lives that we might live. Etc. Etc.

Rabbi Yissocher Frand expressed in “The Connection between the Chapters of Sotah and Nazir,” that if something less likely is true, then something more likely will probably be true, as well. Meaning, that if we can conceptualize the small goodnesses hidden in these times of anguish, then we can conceptualize the greater goodnesses that are simultaneously present.

One part of processing tough moments is articulating their existence and our feelings about them. Another part is seeking and speaking appreciativeness for all the elements of our lives. As the Yiddish saying reminds, if we think good, (life) is good.

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Sources:

Frand, Rabbi Yissocher.  “The Connection between the Chapters of Sotah and Nazir.” Torah.org. 17 May 2010. torah.org/torah-portion/ravfrand-5770-naso. Accessed 14 Jul. 2023.

Reckles, Rebbetzin Rachel. “A Time for Thanks.” Trans. Rabbi Lazer Brody. Breslov.co.il. Chesed Kindness and Learning Foundation.