Mort Laitner
Mort Laitner

Marjorie Taylor Greene Doles Out Advice on How To Handle Anti-Semitism (Satire)

Social._Irma_Byck._Leon_Davicko_BAnQ_P48S1P15901.jpg (public domain)

Dear Congresswoman Greene,

I live in Tenafly, New Jersey and we have an anti-Semitism problem in our school system.

I know with your knowledge, empathy and understanding of the Jews, you should be able to help us resolve our dilemma.

Here’s my story:

My 11-year-old fifth grader, Helga, goes to Maugham Elementary School in Tenafly.

Her teacher assigned the class a project of writing a paragraph about the accomplishments of a “notable” person and to dress up as that person.

Well, you guessed it, one of her classmates dressed up as Adolf Hitler.

Here’s what “Little Adolf” wrote with his #2 lead pencil about this “notable” person:

“My greatest accomplishment was uniting a great mass of German and Austrian people behind me. I rose to power as the leader of the Nazi party, becoming Chancellor in 1933 and then assuming the title of Führer und Reichskanzler means leader and chancellor. I was pretty great wasn’t I? I was very popular and many people followed me until I died. My belif [sic] in antiSemitism [sic] drove me to kill more than 6 million Jews.”

To my horror, “Little Adolf’s” teacher posted the essay in the school’s hallway, where it hung for at least two weeks .

Marjorie, here are my questions:

Am I being too sensitive in wanting to resolve this problem?

Should “Little Hitler,” her parents and the teacher be punished?

If so, what punishments should be meted out?

Thanks in advance for your time and wisdom on this important matter.

Sincerely, one of your greatest fans,

Signed A Concerned and Horrified Parent

___________________________________

Dear Concerned and Horrified Parent,

Well, bless your heart for your kind words and thanks for this interesting post.

In you’re post, ya’ll neglected to tell little-ol’-me whether or not your Jewish.

Assuming you ain’t a Jew, this ain’t your problem. You should hush your mouth and bud out. Let the Jews handle their own headaches.

On the other hand, if ya’ll are of the Jewish faith, here are my recommendations:

  1. Lobby the school board to fire “Little Hitler’s” teacher.

Then when the school board starts negotiating with ya’ll, settle for a five-day suspension.

I know ya’ll Jews have been great negotiators since the days you traded camel and carpets.

Ya’ll will win; that teacher will suffer without five days of pay. That’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget. He’ll learn the meaning of political correctness.

And the other Tenafly teachers will get the message—loud and clear.

Hitler ain’t allowed in the classroom or on school’s walls.

  1. “Little Hitler’s” parents must be publicly humiliated.

Humiliation is a great teaching tool.

I know because of all the times I’ve been humiliated; I remember learning about how the Nazis humiliated the Jews.

Here’s one of my ideas:

In front of press and the public, make each parent write—100 times—in yellow chalk on their kid’s classroom blackboard:

“I promise I won’t send my kid to school dressed up as Adolf Hitler!”

  1. As to our fifth-grader, she should be forced to watch documentaries on the concentration camps until tears run down her face and she whispers:

“Never again will I dress up as the Führer.”

“Never again will I write about his so-called accomplishments.”

I reckon my solutions will work in Tenafly and I wish ya’ll good luck in your endeavors. Please let little-ol’-me know how things turn out.—Marjorie

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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