Marjorie Taylor Greene wants Republican party to be a Christian nationalistic party (satire)

We find ourselves noshing in the same kosher pizzeria where Nachman Mostofsky took Marjorie Taylor Greene on her tour of Jewish neighborhoods in Brooklyn and Long Island.

We’re interviewing Nachman on his thoughts about the Congresswoman’s call for the Republican party to become a  Christian nationalistic party.

Reporter: Nachman, before we start the interview, may I turn on my tape recorder?

Nachman: No problem.

Reporter: Thanks. How’s your brother doing in jail?

Nachman: He’s coping. He says he’s had better kosher food and some of the prisoners are threatening him because he’s wearing his yarmulke. He’s promised my dad that he wouldn’t participate in any future insurrections.

Reporter: Well, at least some of his news is good to hear. But today, I’m here to interview you on your thoughts concerning MTG’s statement.

I’m sure you’ve heard it but please allow me to read it to you.

“We need to be the party of nationalism and I’m a Christian and I say it proudly, we should be Christian nationalists.”

Nachman: First, let me say that statement surprised me. When I took Marjorie on my tour of a yeshiva, a matzah bakery and this kosher supermarket and pizzeria, I said, “She’s nothing but a friend and ally for our Orthodox Jewish community.” I added, “Marjorie is against government interference in our lives, she’s for religious freedom and we both share what is commonly called, Judeo-Christian values.”

Today, I’m concerned that I made a big mistake. I should never taken her here.

Some of my Orthodox brothers have warned me that Marjorie wants us Jews to put away our menorahs and place Christmas trees in our living rooms. While others have whispered, “We’re going to have to attend church services every Sunday.”

Reporter: That’s pretty scary stuff.

It sounds like Marjorie wants the government to interfere in our Jewish lives. That her values may now be purely Christian.

Nachman, you’ll be free to practice any religion as long as its Christianity.

Nachman: But what really frightened me was when I received a copy of the New Testament, —King James version— and a gold crucifix on a silver chain in the mail.

Reporter: Was that a gift from Marjorie?

Nachman: I don’t know. It didn’t come with a card or a note and the return address was from some church in Alabama.

Reporter: What did you do with the Bible and the cross?

Nachman: I brought them to a nearby church and gave them to a priest. He thanked me.

Reporter: Have your friends warned you, that in the future kosher foods and circumcision may be outlawed if we become a nationalist Christian nation?

Nachman: No, but I’ve thought about it.

Reporter: Do you have a message you want to send to the American Jewish community based upon your efforts?

Nachman: Yes, I made a terrible mistake. I tried tikkum olam with Mrs. Greene. I wanted to repair her anti-Semitic world; I failed miserably.

I want to warn the whole Orthodox community that their actions have consequences. We Orthodox Jews better think about the repercussions we cause upon ourselves the next time we go out to vote.

Reporter: Nachman, thanks for allowing me to interview you and for this delicious tasting pizza. I’m now going to turn off the tape recorder.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort was a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal. He has recently taken on the post of president of the South Florida Writers Association.
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