Most moralistic, psychological, and pious sermons fail at least some people

This is on how most moralizing, psychological, religious, and secular lecturing fail at least some people and what should be added to them.

Let’s voice support for generous, responsible, idealistic, humble people!

(Under the age of 60, for many people it’s hard to figure out if they are generous, responsible, and idealistic or the opposite. The person who finally takes a chance and asks something for herself, typically feels so guilty that she tells herself for the rest of the year how selfish she is. While the person who finally takes a chance and is generous for once, typically feels such a saint he tells himself for the rest of the year to be less of a fool from now on. So, if you’re not sure, ask your spouse, child, or best friend. That will only work if they are honest and not intimidated by you.)

Be More Selfish

Most preachers believe that most people are selfish. So they call upon all people to be more charitable.

This call will be applauded by generous people (among them: most women and most parents) but really is worse than a waste of time for them. They may feel vindicated but they should be told: It’s important to receive. And preferably not by taking.

If your only option is to take because there is no one to request from, your life needs an upgrade.

They need to prioritize receiving. Not because you can only give well when you receive. That principle would say: basically, you’re here to give.

No, receiving should be part of the deal. You would not want anyone to go without. That’s why you’re so generous. Well, you are part of the ‘not anyone.’ The world is more just when you receive. The whole world is a better place if you receive too. To Hell with guilt feelings.

And if it’s hard to receive, do it for the young ones. How is the next generation supposed to believe that they are not born to serve if they see this giant person around (you) who’s constantly milked dry and never gets what s/he needs, with your apparent consent?

And since generosity starts at home, to spouses I will say: Please stop trying to get. It will never be enough. Please start giving all you have.

If your partner does not respond in kind, gently remind her or him. If s/he still doesn’t, it’s time to find a spouse who will nourish you too.

Be More Irresponsible

Most preachers believe that most people are irresponsible, try to avoid taking responsibility all the time. And maybe they are. So they call upon all people to be more conscientious.

This call will be applauded by dependable people (among them: many parents) but really is worse than a waste of time for them. They may feel vindicated but they should be told: It’s important to prioritize yourself.

Being a workaholic, never spending any money on yourself, and not wanting to disappoint anyone can be treated like any addiction. These behaviors can be dumped and made fun of. They are not you.

The great secret is that responsible people are not extra responsible. They take extra responsibility towards the needs of others and the world as a whole but, at the expense of themselves. They starve themselves and are praised for it.

They need to prioritize themselves. Not because only they are important. But if they’re not for themselves, who should be? Charity really starts at home! They should also not prioritize others because they pity them. Rather, they should fight injustice because they don’t want it in their world. Never do anything for anyone. Do it for you.

No, taking care of yourself and your most personal needs should be part of the deal. No one can do for you the most important things for you as well as you. The world is more just when you take care of you first. The whole world is a better place when you prioritize you. To Hell with guilt feelings.

The other great secret is that you don’t need to feel obligated. You will live the best moral life when you stop running for obligation and expectation.

When you begin cutting out the should, you may become lazy. But soon you’ll realize that you don’t want to live in a run-down world. But then you can start doing things because you want to, not because you should.

If your religion tells you a million shoulds, adopt them as wants. As soon as you whole-heartedly do what they wanted to lay on you, you’re free to do as you like. You can’t be more free than always doing as you please.

To do what you want, energizes. To do what you should, depletes you of your energy and tells others: try to not do like me. You advocate laziness.

And if it’s hard to prioritize yourself and do what you want, do it for the young ones. How is the next generation supposed to believe they are not born to just give and be used if they see this giant person around (you) who never gets what s/he needs and never does what s/he really wants?

And if you’re exhausted constantly, is that because you work so hard or because you have no one in your life who truly loves you and cares about you, and tells you: cut it down a bit. Let me give you a massage?

You’re not here to serve the world. You may build up your own house too.

Be More Vain

Most preachers believe that most people are mostly chasing vanities all their lives. And maybe they are. So they call upon all people to be happy with what they have and stop amassing money, status, importance, power, recognition, honor, fat, body bulks (beauty), entertainment, and comfort.

This call will be applauded by idealistic people (among them: all activists and most teachers) but really is worse than a waste of time for them. They may feel vindicated but they should be told: When you feel burned-out, you’re doing something wrong (not delegating enough, drinking too much alcohol?). Change that so that being a leader and an idealist gets fun again.

You’re not here to save the world. You may build up your own life too.

Just that you’re happy and satisfied doesn’t mean that you must surround yourself with needy and displeased people. Seeking fellow happy campers.

And if it’s hard to have a life, do it for the young ones. How is the next generation supposed to build their own lives if they see this giant person around (you) whose lives for others and ask nothing?

Have More Pride

Most preachers believe that most people are too ego-centric and arrogant. And maybe they are. So they call upon all people to be more humble.

This call will be applauded by unassuming people (among them: many poor people) but really is worse than a waste of time for them. They may feel vindicated but they should be told: No one’s more important than you.

No, everyone should regain their natural humility and stop being snobs but you still (or again) have that. You must add some pride. It is your birthright to say ‘no’ when needed. The world will be a better place every time you don’t succumb but reject if that’s what you think is called for. To Hell with guilt feelings. If needed, you can learn to say no generously, as if you hand them the moon–because it’s a great gift you give them.

And if it’s hard to say no, do it for the young ones. How is the next generation supposed to demand respect and set boundaries if they see this giant person around (you) whose personality constantly gets violated and who doesn’t seem to mind?

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Sometimes it’s hard to see where over-generosity stops and where over-responsibility starts, where too holy still differs from too humble. All these distortions are friends of each other. But so can our corrections be!

When we try to be a bit less generous, we automatically make it easier to be less responsible, holy, and humble. Let others, who still believe in slavery (either as slaves or as slave owners), frown upon it. You know you’re on the right path. May you go from strength to strength!