Howard Burns

Notice from disillusioned old immigrant

Unique sale opportunity:

Used Democratic State up for grabs:

  • Relatively new and in working order – considering the years of abuse, misappropriation and misrepresentation.
  • Previous owners include – a number of Deities, infidels and currently, corrupt officials with a smattering of local / international ‘oligarchs’ (worldspeak translation: unscrupulous self-indulgent ‘basterds’).
  • Convenient and strategically pivotal global location – targets in both East and West comfortably within range.
  • No natural resources to speak of, however potential oil, gas and emergency blood bank lurking beneath the surface.
  • Great economic promise but temporarily deep in the red (white and blue) with yellow highlights.
  • Affectionately known as ‘the land flowing with milk and honey’, this prime chunk of real estate boasts unrivalled natural beauty, possibly only to be compared with the glories that once were ‘Troy’ or ‘Atlantis’.
  • ** Special attractions: unlimited availability of individual and / or group scapegoats, ‘volunteers’ for clinical trials,  and bespoke platforms  for hands-on military training and test sites.

    Unsealed bids invited inside unmarked brown envelopes and should be addressed to hospital medical equipment personalities, any senior Government functionaries or anyone with a ‘B’ in their name.

    Health warning: widespread infestation of PTPJS (poor terrorized persecuted jew syndrome)

    *** No cost bonuses:

    ü  highly desirable and well connected prison facilities

    ü  state-of-the-art ‘start-up “exit” programs’.

    Priority given to cash offers enclosed with the bid.

    Total impartiality guaranteed!

    Unique sale opportunity – Appendix 1:

    Rules of Engagement or Terms and Conditions of Submission (the tender that is …)

    1. No pre-conditions:

    All and sundry are welcome to submit a tender bid (alternatively referred to as a sore point).

    Only those born within the sound of the chimes of the Jaffa clock will be considered.

    1. No violence:

    Physical violence is unthinkable unless the rockets are launched from behind the wall.

    Verbal violence could be considered providing that a native interpreter is on hand.

    1. Punctuality:

    Any date that is fixed for a meeting has to be confirmed by all parties within 2 years.

    Times are to be synchronized with GMT or CST or both depending on the weather.

    1. Compliance:

    All compliance issues have to prove sustainability.

    The overall authority determining compliance is among the following:

    • The Security Council of the United Nations
    • Geneva Convention
    • The Red Cross / Red Crescent
    • The Boy Scouts Movement
    • Old Deuteronomy

    *Please confirm receipt of this document

    **Confirmation of receipt implies acknowledgement of the other party’s right to exist

    ***’No reaction’ will be regarded as tacit approval of the abovementioned terms and conditions in their entirety.

    So help us God, and keep us steadfast in the due performance of the same.

    In order to abide by the conditions of the Kyoto Protocols all communications must be recycled.

    Thank you for your attention and acquiescence.

    About the Author
    I am 67 live in Haifa with my wife of almost 40 years and our dog Mama. I have 2 grown up children and a granddaughter. I made Aliya at the age of 22 from London, England. Since the onset of the Pandemic I have been teaching exclusively online as a personal coach and language trainer for business executives, government and municipal officials and medical professionals in Israel and all over the world..