Palestinian Man Fails Road Test After Missing Jewish Pedestrian

Ramallah, November 10 – A local man narrowly missed earning his driver’s license this afternoon when he failed to run down a simulated Jew crossing the street, the man reported.

Ahmad Rashid, 20, had completed the requisite classroom time and driving instruction, and was aiming to secure full driving privileges by demonstrating his prowess behind the wheel for an official of the Palestinian Licensing Bureau. He successfully completed a three-point turn, signaled at all the appropriate junctures, applied the brakes properly at stoplights and signs, and yielded right-of-way where necessary. The final segment of the test called for Rashid to accelerate and run over a figure representing a Jew waiting at a bus stop, but Rashid lost concentration and missed the Jew.

Betzalel-BacharThe instructor informed Rashid that he had come very close to passing, but the failure to run over the Jew was too egregious a shortcoming to earn him a license. Rashid will be eligible for another attempt after ten more hours of instruction behind the wheel.

Jew-hitting has been a component of certain specialized licensing for years, notably for attaining certification in the operation of certain construction vehicles. However, Rashid professed ignorance of the requirement and its weight in determining his fate.

“I thought I was doing pretty well, and I had no idea hitting the Jew was that important,” said Rashid, clutching a copy of his papers with a large red stamp indicating his failure. “It must be a new requirement, too, because none of my friends said anything about this when they took their road tests as little as three months ago.”

Officials at the Palestinian Licensing Bureau declined to comment, as per guidelines issued by President Mahmoud Abbas’s office. A representative at his compound, the Muqata, similarly refused to weigh in, saying only that the Palestinian drivers who killed Israelis over the last two weeks must have done so by accident.

Interviews with other road test candidates revealed that running over Jews was tested in various contexts, such as bus stops, crosswalks, train stations, construction sites, parks, and sidewalks. The majority of those interviewed expressed surprise at the inclusion of that skill in the test, but found the completion of that task no more difficult than the rest of the test.

“I’m just glad they don’t test parallel parking, because I’m horrible at that,” said 22-year-old Falestin Rajoub. “Hitting people or things is easy.”

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David was spawned in an unfortunate lab accident in Weehawken, New Jersey, in 1975, and things have only gone downhill from there. When he's not picking his nose, David creates content for PreOccupied Territory. And sometimes even then.