Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

Perhaps, hate is incomplete love, a failed expressions of genuine holy concern

If you’re addicted to your own hatred, the below might be not for you yet

Hatred has a bad name. Especially when it’s someone else’s hatred.

But, let’s try for a moment to walk in the footsteps of Marshall Rosenberg, the inventor of Non-Violent Communication. He proposed that judgments that stifle are really tragic expressions of needs. Someone gets praised or scolded but the speaker actually had a certain need that came out crooked and that probably didn’t get across. He strove to say: “Thank you for doing the dishes, I feel so loved now.” But he said: “Good you did the dishes.” Implied are: I hope you’ll often do the dishes. And: I tell you that’s good.

Now, is there another way to deal with Antisemitism than to say: ‘We are good, against Jew-hatred, and those for it are evil’? For many people that’s wise enough a lessen but what about those who’ll be ‘proud to hate Jews’? Just dismiss them as wicked? Isn’t there a constructive approach?

This is especially important as bigotry depicts ‘the other’ as subhuman. Anti-bigotry should have something better to say than: ‘No, you are.’ Remember, there are two kinds of people: people who divide humankind into two groups, and those who don’t. (Compare: There are three groups of people: those who can comprehend math and those who don’t.)

Perhaps, hatred could be a tragic expression of something noble too?

Hatred and love have in common a deep emotional connection. Love and hatred aren’t opposites. Their joint opposite is: to be indifferent. Most of the world is very deeply connected to the Jews, via hatred or love.

It could slightly unsettle people who feel a strong animosity against Jews to learn that their attitude might be seen as a form of close involvement with the Jewish People. That if they really want to be antagonistic to Jews, their only option is to shrug their shoulders about them from now on.

My rabbi taught me that hating in the Torah must mean: ‘not loving fully.’ It is inconceivable that Jacob ‘hated’ Leah. He could have loved her more.

Now, don’t ask Antisemites: ‘Why do you hate Jews?’ Maybe ask: ‘What do you need to do or add to make your love for the Jewish People fuller?’

Suggested answer: Make Jewish friends and listen to them at length.

Most Jews murdered in the Holocaust found their death not because of blatant hatred by extremists but via a lack of interest by the vast majority.

For the perpetrators it could enlighten to distinguish between murdering because of incomplete love or because of a total lack of interest. Yet, for the victims, a philosophy analysis of mass murder is largely academic.

Less is More

I’ve stated many times that a lot of guilt feelings are not helpful. They tend to bring us down instead of up. The only thing needed is a tiny bit of guilt. That shows you are moral and know the difference between good and evil.

In a similar vein, it is good to hate the people we hate a little less. Hatred tends to bring out the worst in us. To remember and reinforce our principles and preferences, we don’t need a burning hatred. A little antipathy will do. Like: “I don’t like him so much,” instead of: “I hate him.”

What may help too is phrased in a Dutch saying derived from the soccer rules: Je moet niet de man maar de bal spelen: Play the ball, not the man. Tackle (pardon the pun) or focus on issues, not people — “no offense.”

And, principles may need 100% adherence. If we sometimes are honest, we aren’t. But people don’t need to be all-round perfect. Only our distant idols and fictive heroes must be perfect saints. The rest may be human.

There is an additional benefit to not divide people into great and lesser ones. It is better to be loyal to truth, ideas, and principles than to blindly follow politicians who might not always be so honest and selfless.

The Love That Isn’t

Muslim Palestinians are told by many people, activists, and heads of State that they are loved. However, often, this supposed love is just hatred against the Jews whom they see as their enemy. They often don’t even have Muslim-Palestinian friends. And the White ones lack Black friends.

In practice, many ‘pro-Palestinian’ activists and States don’t care about the Muslim population of Israel/Palestine at all. In Gaza, in the areas ruled by the Palestinian Authority, and in the whole of the Arab world, they have no rights, suffer police brutality, have no freedom of information, speech, assembly, to stand for election, or to vote, nor equality before the law. The people who declare their ‘loyalty’ to their cause don’t work for them at all. They may send money to the Palestinian juntas or the States that keep them in ‘refugee camps’ which will be used for buying weapons and schoolbooks to keep hatred against Jews going — hardly any welfare if any. They don’t care for them. That’s not hatred. That a lack of any interests.

Love Palestinian Muslims or hate them, but begin to feel for/against them.

When love is too hard, begin with respect. Love will follow automatically.

NB: Loving people is not having warm feelings about them (which is self-cuddling really) but rather giving the other the feeling that you love them!

NB: Typically, we Jews care about Gentiles, even when they hate us. We realize they’ve been brainwashed, and they’re still fellow humans to us.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To find his earlier blog posts on a certain subject XXX, among his over 1200 ones, go to the right-top corner of the Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". His second daily active less tame blog, to which one may subscribe, one may find here: or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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