The below was edited to fit the 45th President’s mental framework.
Don’t panic. Though you may have no time to waste. Cut your losses.
I don’t mean that you should flee like a coward. But you should remove yourself quickly to escape being incarcerated by the truly deplorable, the elites of Washington. This is your chance, to live in temporary exile, as the true king of the USA who escaped the swamp, awaiting his return.
You have no choice. They’re all betraying you and conspiring:
This is what you need to do tonight
Don’t panic. Your situation is not dire. And even if it were, how would panicking help? Stay calm, cool, and collected.
Don’t tell anybody of your plans except the following people.
Call Adelson on Baron’s cell where to pick you up and ask humbly if you may temporarily live in the beach house he just bought close to Tel Aviv. It’s the property that used to house the American ambassador, which he just bought in the most expensive real estate deal in Israel. Fit for a king.
Tell Melania that she is free to accompany you, come later, or not follow you at all. That’s so nice, she probably will join you without hesitation.
Pack your bags, travel lightly. Wake up Barron and tell him you’re going on a vacation. If Melania joins now, tell him to pack up his dearest things.
Write a pardon for all your true friends and yourself.
Order your helicopter to bring you to whatever airfield Adelson told you.
When outside of US territorial space, call Pence that you’ve left and no longer can fulfill your presidential duties. Ask him also, as president, to pardon you, in case your pardoning yourself would not be enough.
Call a TV news show that you will grant them a live interview. Talk to your fan base. Say that you’re not fleeing but rather made a tactical retreat to wait until the real putsch is over and you can return to serve them again. Invite them to visit you whenever they’re around. True friends stay friends.
It will take a few weeks before the first people will tour your new living quarters, also because Israel is currently under a COVID lockdown. But surely, American friends who paid a thousand dollars to cross the ocean will be happy to donate some to your End the Exile fund too.
Religious Jews in Israel are not as viciously left-wing as in the US. They appreciate what you did for Israel. They’ll believe that G^d allowed you to escape since you let Pollard go, which opened the door for you to follow.
Call Bibi and ask him permission to stay for the time being and to give some security to the extent he deems needed. Tell him also that now you have more time on your hands, you’d be happy to help with the real peace process that you started.
Smile. Sweet victory. They never understood you when you predicted not to be at Biden’s inauguration.
Pff, it was a heavy job but you made the best of it. You can relax now, and be pleased with your work and yourself.
Wait a couple of days before restarting international deal-making or kick start Trump media. A well-deserved rest after very hectic years. Who’d know that this was such a complicated job?
You escaped and fooled the coup takers (again). Enjoy yourself.