Sermons of Rebuke: Bechukotai excerpts

Shabbat Shalom

And the blessing of following H’s mitzvot continues. Do I have to explain this more? Constantly having to tell you people to follow Mitzvot is getting annoying. Every sermon I give, I have to mention this to you…Chaim Shlomo Horwitz- you just converted two weeks ago and you are already not keeping the mitzvot…
You are all selfish. You don’t just keep mitzvot for yourselves. You keep them for everybody.

(26:6) I will give peace and you will lie down without something scaring you….
Peace is a gift. It is a give given to all of us…We can’t even get through one board meeting in this shule, without a fight.
Rashi focuses on ‘Shalom,’ as peace is equal to all. As the pasuk says, ‘He makes peace and creates everything.’
Everything else follows peace. You want to know why we have no successful building fund? Because the board can’t stop arguing over who is in charge of the board…No peace, no building fund. No peace, no decent kiddush. No peace, your children walk around looking like shlumps with annoying haircuts, making it hard for the rabbi to give a sermon.

(26:7) And the enemies will be kicked out of the land. And they will be killed with swords.
That is peace. When you do not have to deal with enemies and they die…The president of the shule, sitting over…almost as bad as the gabbai…
We don’t even live in the land. Why am I even talking to you about this. You couldn’t understand

(26:9) And H’ will establish His covenant with us.
Rashi explains, a new covenant. Because we messed up the other one.

As this congregation has messed up every mitzvah, especially honoring your rabbi, may we merit a new covenant where new members join this synagogue that keep the mitzvot and have some forethought regarding the new paint job…This wall’s purple and pink paint job is what happens when there is no peace…

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom vPesach sameach

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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