SERMONS OF REBUKE: Pinchas Excerpts

Shabbat Shalom

The daughters of Tzelafchad say they should have an inheritance. And the problem of women’s rights begins…

Moshe brings their question to H.’
I am sick of having to ask H’ if the shule should allow women to sit at the Kiddysh table. There is no room in this synagogue…The question of even having women eating herring in shule is enough. It is unladylike.

(27:4) The daughters of Tzelafchad ask, ‘Why should our dad’s name be made less, because he had no sons?’
Because he had no sons. That is the reason…
Gershon, in the back, has only given birth to daughters…Now a whole fight is going to break out, once Gershon passes…Who gets the mill? Who gets the house? Who is going to pay the backed up dues to the shule?

What did they use for their arguement? (27:3) Our father didn’t die because of Korach,
He died because of his own sins.
Rashi- He didn’t cause other people to sin. That is what they used for their argument.

So what if Tzelafchad sinned. They argue what he didn’t do…Causing others to sin would appear to be a bigger sin…I feel like this congregation constantly causes me to sin.
If you cause pain to others, then you have no argument. You are not deserving…Tzvia, of the shule’s women’s movement wants to take away our chairs and give them to Gershon’s daughters…Do not let your gain impede the life of the community…How about purchasing more chairs for the shule…A shule that can hold all of its congregants at Kiddush…Good question. Although it is in the middle of my sermon. We do not need more chairs in the sanctuary. The sanctuary is not as important as the Kiddush room. The congregants show up to Kiddush.

Heter Kiruv (permitted acts for bringing people closer to Judaism) only goes so far. But the non-modest dress, should be more accepted in this congregation.
Causing others to lose focus at kiddush…
Breaking into homes, when you are not paying your dues…Causing Michalel Shabbat (breaking the Shabbat).
Gershon- you daughters must have mace…Who is going to inherit your one bedroom flat…That is why you have sons and a first born…If your daughters were to be able to say that they caused no harm to others and did not deal crack for the SATs…
He didn’t smoke in public…There is a no smoking sign in this shule, because most of you don’t know it is forbidden on to smoke on Shabbat…
Fire bombing and causing innocent beautiful beings to kill, that is a sin for which you do not deserve land.

Yes. There is a right, when it is not abused…When you do not abuse your connection with your community.
So, next time you want to sin: Eat herring or take a seat from the kids table at kiddush, Smoke in shule or start an all out war at the board meeting, or run around your home in a skirt, Gershon- Do it in your own home.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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