Sermons of Rebuke: Shelach Excerpts


Shabbat Shalom

Again we come to the spies. And again we see how you people follow the weakest people…The gabbai with his group, sitting in the corner, saying, ‘If we just stayed outside during the sermon.’ Heretics…Weak.
The shule wanted to expand last year, but we had the naysayers. ‘Oh. You can’t expand, the building will be bigger.’ Always afraid of growth…
Have you seen the average height of the member in this shule? It is 5’3″…Pathetic. The same exact members of the congregation and we used to be an average height of 5’9″. What has happened over the years?…In the inter-shule basketball league, we lost to the Jewish Home for Parents of Children in Midlife Crisis…

Moshe panders to H.’ The only hope he has of keeping the Jews alive and going to Israel is telling H’ that He has to do it for himself. The congregation is so messed up, that H’ has to bring the Jews to Israel, to make a point.
(14:16) That the nations will say that H’ couldn’t bring them into Israel…

(14:17-18) Moshe continues pleading: May H’s strength be made great…H’ is forgiving, slow to anger…

The strength is in forgiveness. Being slow to anger. Unlike Mrs. Heimlech, who yells at every single person at Kiddush, who wants to be nourished…..We learn about character from H.’
It is because of this male-nourishment and fear of Mrs. Heimlech that this congregation is so small and weak…

We did not deserve to enter Israel, because we followed the weak…The same reason this congregation did not deserve this building. But thank H,’ we had ancestors who were strong and we the shule has a deep pocket, and we did not invest with Madoff…
The people that don’t believe in the strength of character. Some show their might with huge. They are weak…Yes, juicing up will make you bigger. But you have to lift to get stronger. You have to build up your character…I have to be honest. Looking at Mitch over there in the third row, with all the acne and anger. Your boy is on the roids.
That is a weakness. Not accepting who you are.

(14:24) ‘My servant Calev…a different spirit is with him.’
Because of this, he is brought to Israel and his offspring inherits it.
You have to deserve something. You can’t talk down on everything and expect it…Like every one of you teenagers…
Rashi- the spies had two spirits- one in the mouth and one in the heart.
Calev might have been small. The point is that he had a big heart. And he spoke with that big heart. He wasn’t juicing. He was not chasing people away from Kiddush. He told them, ‘We can eat.’ He was 5’9″in his heart. That is the heart that we have to bring to Israel. That is the expression we must express.

May we all be blessed with that strength of character, of Calev, to believe in and do what is right for the people.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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