Sermons of Rebuke: Vayeria Excerpts


Shabbat Shalom

We have an engagement in shule this Shabbat. We want to wish the Goldsmiths a mazel tov on their grandson’s engagement…It wasn’t them. Their granchildren live 2,000 miles away. I don’t think this congregation has had a legit engagement in the past six years…Have we raised our children wrong? Is it how our community treats others? Do we even deserve to be around people?

(19:3) Lot has to convince the Malachim to stay.
They wanted out right away; telling Lot they would rather sleep on the streets than in his house.
Any town that people would rather sleep away from, is not a good place. I have heard guests talking about the Goldsmith household and how they nag their guests…As a rabbi, I have had to counsel guests in this community who have needed sleeping bags, to sleep on the streets, just so they wouldn’t have to eat anymore Mrs. Goldsmith chicken soup.

Then Lot, just like the Goldsmiths, Goldstones and every other family in this community with Gold involved, including the South Africans who only shared gold with the white people, and the Goulds who have a ‘u’ in there, because they don’t know how to spell, holds onto them a little longer. The reason they never come back to our community. Because you all hound them when they want to leave…They are visiting, not moving in. Sometimes, they are just trying to give some information, like ‘here is some pizza’ and you make them stay for a while and feed them…Do you know how many delivery boys have been fired because of the Goulds, who don’t even tip, because there is a ‘u’ in the middle of gold.
Point is they stay for a little, and then (19:5) they then get attacked. The people of Sodom insist- ‘Where are the people that came to you. Bring them out so we can get to know them.’

Why do people not visit this community? Because you are all a bunch of yentas. You have to get to know everybody. You try to set up every person that visits. They are already married.

And they will surround your house. You let them in once, they are knocking on your door.

(19:9-13) The Malachim (who came to visit to tell Lot to get out of Sodom) tell Lot to take everything of his out of this city. This is after Lot offered up his daughters to the people.
I am not going to get involved into the miforshim (commentaries) as to how good looking Lot’s daughters were.
He had to be told to leave?

You can tell me that I have another job, and I will leave this town right away. Anything. If I was a rabbi with abilities, I would have taken the other jobs. If people liked me, I would be out of here…No need to tell me to leave…And here, Lot needs to be told, after they attack him and they don’t even want to take his daughters…If you can’t find your children a shidduch, get out of this town. You irresponsible parents of Beis Emes Sefilla…

Just because we are supposed to practice the Torah, does not mean that we are acting moral…There is a level of welcoming guests that this congregation has passed…You do not have to know your guests…And please stop knocking on my door constantly, attacking me with your stupidity.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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