SERMONS OF REBUKUE: BHa’alotcha

Shabbat Shalom

They felt left out, and so they asked Moshe why they have to miss out on Pesach. The felt like they missed an opportunity to connect with H,’ because they couldn’t practice Pesach correctly. Unlike this congregation which asks why we can’t eat bread…The shmurah came out too hard this year? Some like it crunchy. .It is Matzah.

And in response, H’ tells Moshe that these people should celebrate it in the second month.

(9:13) However, ‘the man that is pure’ and he just held off from bringing the offering at the appointed time (on Pesach), he will bear his sin.’

We are not talking about the many of you who end up eating at Mickey Dee’s, because Moishee’s bagels is closed. When do we have second chances? Here, we see, you have a second chance when you don’t screw up. Like you guys who screwed up the carving on the Aron Hakodesh (the ark)… There is no second chance to add a tail to a lion.

What opportunities have you missed? Well let me tell you…Mrs. Bronstone missed the opportunity to show up to the Shiva House this week…she should have apologized for showing up to the funeral in drag…Mr. Goldfarb missed the opportunity to bring a bottle of whiskey for the birth of his son…
You have a second chance sometimes. These are the times to celebrate a little later. I am not telling Mrs. Bronstone to bring Mardi Gras back to the shule…It was a great program the first time. However, we all know how Bernie got offended by the lack of dress in the shule…It was a great fundraiser though. And we all know that…

How many chances have you, the people of this congregation, had to move from this community. I would have…You bear your sin.

(9:14) The convert shall live by the same rules. He shall bring the Pesach offering.
(9:2) ‘In its appointed time.’
Even the convert has to follow the same rules. And to not say, ‘I made a decision to convert. I will make the decision when I want to bring the offering too.’ Like Mr. Goldfarb’s bottle of whiskey, we still haven’t seen…Is your son born yet? I think, but I do not know…

There are times. There are rules. Rules are rules. The game is the game. You all mess up. You could care less.
But when somebody really cares, there is always a way to make it up. There is a way for Teshuva.
But you don’t want to pay your dues. Harry doesn’t want to get rid of that rug on his head and make it better for everybody else in this congregation…The Jews wanted to make up for missing out on a chance to do good. That is when you know it is a good community…
Sinner.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom Morton