Sex on the Beach – Part Two 

Port-en-Bessin Semaphore and Cliffs, Georges Seurat, 1888, Wikimedia Commons (public domain)

I have often wondered, “Are Israeli journalists better writers/reporters than their counterparts in the States?”

To answer this important question, I decided to take one article in the Jerusalem Post and extrapolate how an American reporter would have written/researched the article.

The article I have chosen is entitled: Sex on the beach leads to four fines for violating coronavirus regulations. (October 4, 2020)

Yes I know that, I have already written a blog on that article. But where in the Talmud does it prohibit me, a lowly blogger, from going for a twofer. And that’s why I entitled this blog, “Part Two.”

Here is the key paragraph in that JP article:

“…an employee at a closed restaurant saw a couple having sex on one of the tables set up in front of the restaurant.  When security officers arrived at the scene, they realized it was the same couple that they had fined before. Once again, the couple was caught not wearing masks and the two were fined for violating coronavirus regulations…”

Okay, here’s my premise.

American journalists, let’s say from the New York Times or the Washington Post, would have handled this sex-on-the-beach story differently than the Jerusalem Post reporter did.

To conduct this experiment I would have to examined the hand-written notes of an American reporter working on the sex-on-the-beach story.

Luckily a New York Times reporter —she has asked me not to divulge her name—has allowed me to read her notes on the story.

Tel Aviv, Israel October 3, 2020

Interview with Restaurant Employee (Interviewee asks that his name not be used in article):

Reporter: Thanks for allowing me to interview you. On the date of the incident, what was the this woman wearing as she trespassed on your table?

Employee: She wore an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polkadot bikini—top and bottom.

Reporter: Interesting.  Have you caught other couples engaging in love making  at your restaurant—on your tables before?

Employee: Well since Covid, things have gone crazy. On one hand, I guess there is more privacy since less people are going to the beach. On the other hand, some people—namely the unemployed or the under employed— have lots of time on their hands. Nowadays, it happens at least once a week. But this was the first time I called the mask cops. With the number of Covid cases in Israel, citizens have got to do the right thing and report these violators. I know that sex on the beach has been happening ever since our independence. Enough is enough. We are a religious nation. The government should post signs reading, “No Sexual Adventurers Allowed on this Beach.” I myself have posted my own hand-written sign over there. It reads: No Sex Allowed on our Tables.

Reporter: Those are some great ideas. When you first saw the couple doing the nasty deed, what was their sexual position?

Employee: In the Catholic Church, I think it’s called the “Missionary Position.”

Reporter: Interesting. So there was a danger that this so-called lady could have fallen off the table and injured her back while they were doing the wild thing?

Employee: No, not really. From my angle it looked like she was quite secure on that table. If I thought she was going to get hurt, I would have yelled, “Stop doing that! Children frequent this beach! Get a room! We don’t want any lawsuits!”

Reporter: Well since you didn’t do that, how long did you observe the couple in coitus?

Employee: I don’t think they broke any Israeli Olympic records but it lasted for about five minutes.

Reporter: Did the man wear protection?

Employee: Do you mean a mask?

Reporter: No.

Employee: Well, I’m sorry I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying that much attention to them. There was a football match on the television.

Reporter:  In your opinion, were they intoxicated or high on pot?

Employee: I don’t want to venture a guess but they seemed pretty happy until the security officers got there.

Reporter:  Did you talk to the couple after they were issued their “Not Wearing Mask Notice Of Violation”?

Employee: Nope. I was too embarrassed to look them in the eyes. These intimate acts should be done in private, but  if I’m called to testify, I spill the beans on them.

Well from this limited interview, one can readily see that American reporters are much more adept at handling salacious stories than their Israeli counterparts.

p.s. Unless the editors of the Times of Israel tell me to stop writing “Sex on the Beach” stories. Part Three of this series shall be forth coming.

You guessed it—an interview with adventurous couple.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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