Shas leader: Moses is also Amalek

In a follow-up to his controversial video posted yesterday where he attacked the national religious, Shas Rabbi Shalom Cohen announced this morning that he believed Moshe Rabeinu was also Amalek.

“This shmendrick Moses kept us wandering in the desert for forty years.  By the time we reached Eretz Yisroel, he couldn’t be bothered to enter.  Where I come from, that’s Amalek.  A to the M to the A-L-E-K.  AMALEEEEEEK!!!!”

Amalek was a Biblical tribe that attacked the Israelites from behind while they wandered in the desert. In the Biblical narrative, its members were designated a special evil deserving of extermination.

“Was this Moses even a Jew?  WTF.  Total Amalek.  Straight-up A-mizzle.”

Cohen declared in a sermon Monday morning that “as long as there are any Moseses in this world, the [divine] throne is not whole.  The Book of Moses.  Moses Malone.  Moises Alou.  They’re Amalek. When will the throne be whole?  Not till I say so.  You feel me?”

At the end of his speech, the rabbi added that Benjamin Netanyahu was also Amalek, along with the “Lone Ranger” remake, Van Halen post-David Lee Roth, the Facebook redesigns, missing socks, the Miami Heat, jock itch, and the Red Wedding.

Benji Lovitt is a comedian and writer. Contact him at www.benjilovitt.com to book a show or educational workshop about life in Israel.