Shula’s Fantastic Fish

A woman in Ramat HaSharon by the name of Shula is world famous for her gefilte fish. The Chief Rabbi of Israel requires all Jews to eat Shula’s gefilte fish every erev Shabbat. He calls it a “mechiya” (wonderful).

According to an article said to appear in the New York Times daily newspaper, read by some 100 million people across the globe, fisherman in China are casting their nets into the ocean in an attempt to catch gefilte fish. So far, with all the skill of the Chinese, they have not been successful.

Recently, President Obama has ordered 20 kilos of Shula’s fantastic gefilte fish to be served in the White House for official guests.

There is a rumor that Hillary Clinton is not a fish eater but Donald Trump eats fish every day. Mr. Trump, who may be America’s next President, has declared Shula’s fish to be the American national fish.

When asked if he preferred red “chrain” or white “chrain” he did not understand until one of his aides told him it meant horse-radish. Mr. Trump replied “I don’t eat anything from a horse but I’ll eat the radish”.

The 20 kilos of Shula’s gefilte fish ordered by the White House was inspected at the Customs in Ben-Gurion Airport in Tel-Aviv. Following the inspection by 10 Custom officers, the 20 kilos became 16 kilos.

Arriving at Dulles International Airport in Washington, the fish which had been tightly packed in dry ice underwent a further examination by U.S. Customs and Immigration. 12 inspectors examined the fish which had now been reduced to 10 kilos.

Upon delivery at the White House, President Obama was said to be in a rage. “Where is the other 10 kilos of my fish? Who stole Shula’s fantastic gefilte fish from the President of the United States?”

The FBI went into action, followed by the CIA and Homeland Security. So far, the missing 10 kilos have not been found.

Shula suffers from pains in her hands and yet she manages to grind the fish, season it with her secret ingredients, roll the fish into balls and gently puts them into a pan of boiling hot water.

People from 113 countries have written to Shula asking for her recipe. “It is a family secret”, she tells them. “I would not give the recipe even if they paid me 5,000 shekels”.

But when I begged for the recipe of her secret ingredient, Shula whispered it in my ear.

“The secret ingredient I put into my gefilte fish is very rare and sometimes difficult to find. It is called “ahava”.

To all my readers who have some ahava in their homes, I would recommend adding a little to your next gefilte fish cooking. You will agree that the results of Shula’s fish are remarkable.

Kol haKavod to Shula ! B’tayavon (bon appetit) for the gefilte fish.

Which “chrain” will you prefer?

About the Author
Esor Ben-Sorek is a retired professor of Hebrew, Biblical literature & history of Israel. Conversant in 8 languages: Hebrew, Yiddish, English, French, German, Spanish, Polish & Dutch. Very proud of being an Israeli citizen. A follower of Trumpeldor & Jabotinsky & Begin.
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