“So…Do you have a bucket list”

I live in a very strange parallel universe—a kind of Matrix, or perhaps I live in the “Real World.” On a day when, in my previous world, I would be completely obsessed with the latest developments in Washington D.C., I found myself instead focused on ticking an item off my non-existent bucket list, despite my pension and savings taking a hammering.

This parallel universe is not something I would advertise to anyone, nor would anyone want to buy into it, because it comes with a significant downside—a probable diagnosis of a truly horrific neurological disease called PSP (a much more aggressive version of the Parkinson’s Disease I thought I had). This disease is forcing me to wind down my career as a partner at a global consulting firm as I come up to my 50th birthday next month. It has stopped me from driving, means I struggle to walk (or I should say ‘shuffle’) around the block even with a cane struggling not to fall, and brings a host of other challenges that impact me and my family.

However, it has also forced me to confront a range of questions and situations I had never considered before, leading to some very amusing, rewarding, and positive side benefits and moments that I hope no one would begrudge me.

One of these topics relates to a question I have now been asked a few times: Do I have a bucket list?

A few weeks ago, the answer was a resounding no. Since diagnosis with Parkinson’s five years ago I gave it very little thought. Since then, I have to admit that I have added a few items. Yesterday, I checked off one of them, and the fact that almost no one has noticed doesn’t actually bother me at all because I got it done.

Before I get to the item in question, let me tell you a little bit about my bucket list.

Firstly, it is not written anywhere and technically doesn’t exist, so no one is going to find it.

Secondly, it only has a very small number of items on it.

Thirdly, it is a pretty miserable, limited, boring list and certainly not one that belongs in any kind of museum or book, reflecting the fact that I am at heart a relatively boring, modest and grumpy accountant 🙂

Fourthly, I initially resisted having one, but I’ve changed my mind.

So why is it so small? Why is it boring, and why did I resist?

Truthfully, at this point in my life, there are not many things I genuinely want to do that I have not already done. I have been privileged and blessed to do many things I’ve wanted to do, such as travel (albeit mainly as a byproduct of work travel). I’ve seen amazing places from the northern lights in Iceland, the Redwoods near San Francisco, the Hoover Dam, The Rockies, Sydney Harbor and so many things in Europe. Driving was my side passion and again I have driven to many beautiful places like Australia’s Blue Mountains, the PCH and many beautiful roads in Europe. I have driven a Ferrari in the Italian countryside at 220 kmph and driven at seriously high speeds on the autobahn many times, so I’ve let that out of my system already.

I’ve also never been into adventure sports or things like swimming with sharks.

Mainly, and I am very pleased with the fact I feel this, I am very simple and just want to spend time with my family, which is my overwhelming and top priority bucket list item.

I won’t go into the intricate details of my list, but it entails some travel with individual members of my family and time with close friends. Depending on my health (and very expensive travel insurance), it may happen, and if it does, that would be great. If it doesn’t, then as long as I get to spend time with family and friends, I’m okay.

So it is really quite boring, but that is the real answer.

There are many other things I want to achieve of an family milestone, altruistic and spiritual variety but I wouldn’t classify them as bucket list items.

There was two items I had on my bucket list and they are to do with writing. One was to try to distill a book or an article based on something unique from my many years of a career. As time is potentially pressing, I went first for the article and yesterday I wrote it from start to finish and published it on LinkedIn. It is nothing special and most people won’t understand it. The point however is I got it done and also to show that I was maintaining a strong cognitive level which is critical in the fight.  Whether anything comes of it is largely completely a side benefit (and possibly a hassle I simply don’t want at this stage of life).

As a brief tangent, the article addresses ‘Collaboration’. In my career one of the things I have seen and I believe was able to add value to, was the ability to facilitate great teams of people working well together and in harmony. I have read many books on the topic and felt they were not hitting the mark so I put down my own idea yesterday in a LinkedIn article called –

**Why ‘Collaboration’ is SO hard – the 4 ingredients needed…** My thoughts looking back 27 years 

The second is a book of a Jewish theme but that is a long shot.

My real bucket list is living every day to the maximum – putting in the fight to prolong and in parallel improve my life and my family’s Quality of Life. That together with my faith and desire to continue giving to the world, fulfilling G-d’s plan for me and having meaning are all I want.

I must truthfully caveat this….I admit that if my football team – a certain North London team of the blue/white variety were doing well seeing them play would be there, as would hearing Dire Straits live were they to still be playing (not the tribute band). 🙂