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Kenneth Cohen

Stay Away From Ingrates

It is always fascinating to see how the Talmud had such a clear understanding of human nature. There is a quote from Masechet Chullin that is both surprising and insightful at the same time.

It says, “Whoever does a favor for an ingrate, is as if he casts a stone to Mercury.” The Mercury mentioned here referred to a form of idol worship where the worshippers threw a stone to the idol.

The explanation here is that helping an unappreciative person is like idol worship. This is an extreme way of saying that this will bring highly detrimental effects. It is a waste of energy and it encourages the other individual’s sense of entitlement.

One may have thought that what is most important is to be kind and giving to everyone. What could be wrong with having a generous heart?

The Talmud in its wisdom is giving us a very stern warning. Sometimes our good intentions can backfire. Instead of the recipient of our kindness being grateful, he resents us for it. This could stem from jealousy or a feeling of inferiority that this person does not know how to be generous and giving.

We all have limited resources. It is our duty to use these resources in the best way possible. It should be channeled where it is appreciated and needed. We must be selective in our kindness. We are even supposed to check out where our charity money goes.

There are so many swindlers out there. Some charities have extremely high “administrative costs.” There are plenty of legitimate good causes out there. We must seek them out.

We must also apply this teaching of the Talmud to our families. We must avoid resentment and creating jealousy in all situations. To say that giving to an ingrate, is like idol worship, sounds pretty extreme. But the message to be learned from this statement, is extremely valuable. Stay away from ingrates!

About the Author
Rabbi Cohen has been a Torah instructor at Machon Meir, Jerusalem, for over twenty years while also teaching a Talmud class in the Shtieblach of Old Katamon. Before coming to Israel, he was the founding rabbi of Young Israel of Century City, Los Angeles. He recently published a series of Hebrew language-learning apps, which are available at www.cafehebrew.com