Avi Liberman

Subpar Kiddush Given By Wealthy Family

A recent scandal occurred at Shaarei Israel when the Kramer Family gave a subpar Kiddush in honor of their daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. The Kramers are wealthy by any congregant’s standard and were expected to throw a much more lavish affair. Many Synagogue members avoided making lunch plans when the weekly bulletin came out, reminding congregants of the Bat Mitzvah.

“Everyone knows these guys are loaded. I mean, what the hell?” said Josh Blumberg a 7-year member of the shul. “Half of us came here expecting some serious goods. Hot food, catered, sushi platters and carving stations, the works. Then I show up and it’s marble cake and crackers with some white fish! Are you kidding me? I mean I can get that at any synagogue in town!”

While the Kramer family had a sit down lunch at a hotel close by for relatives and close friends, showing that they still have plenty of spending power, it was the Kiddush at the Synagogue that left most disappointed. Irma Feldenbaum of the sisterhood was also upset. “Everyone knows the market is up. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t at least have had some kind of meat. I came this close to crashing the hotel lunch I was so irritated.”

Jonathan Silver who wanted to be referred to as a “Young Professional” as opposed to “Single” had this to say: “I’m not even a member of this place, and when word got out the Kramers were having a simcha, I showed up thinking I would at least score food wise. When I saw the Kiddush after services, I had to hightail it back to my own shul and grab scraps that were left after my own congration’s vultures had gone to town.”

The synagogue’s board tried assuring members that most rich families will still deliver when other simchas occur, but the whole Kramer affair has put that in doubt. Assistant Rabbi Jonathan Blum stated, “Look, we all know who the machers are, and in general they don’t want to look bad in front of their colleagues. I’m sure this is just an isolated affair.” Other congregants were less hopeful as they pointed out that Rabbi Blum was invited to the sit down lunch. The next simcha at Shaarei Israel is in less than a month, with the Bar Mitzvah of Jonathan Berg, whose father is a thoracic surgeon. While no assurances have been made, congregants remain hopeful there will at the very least be some kind of red meat.

About the Author
Avi Liberman is a stand-up comic who was born in Israel, raised in Texas and now lives in Los Angeles. Avi founded Comedy for Koby, a bi-annual tour of Israel featuring some of America's top stand-up comedians.