Surmounting Self-Righteousness

Herman answered his door to find a beggar asking for a cup of water. He slammed the door shut without saying a word.

Ami, likewise, opened his door to the indigent. He gave the man not just a full cup of drink, but, additionally, gifted him with a six pack of water. However, afterwards, Ami boasted, at many Shabbot seudot, about his “altruism.”

Rivka, though, offered the destitute fellow a selection of tea and coffee since she noticed that he was already carrying many bottles of water. Contrariwise to her neighbors, she neither spurned the man nor said anything to her family or friends of her act of kindness. Instead, after he went on his way, she thanked Hashem for the opportunity to perform a mitzvah and for the ease (after all, the stranger, who had arrived directly at her door, had required negligible time or goods) with which she was able to do so.

In this season, in the span between Purim and Pesach, it’s easy to point to the likes of Haman, Ahasuerus, and Pharaoh as sanctimonious persons. Unfortunately, when we make these reckonings, we often forget to include ourselves. We especially miss the mark when we hold that our ideas or behaviors are superior to those of everyone else. Either we’re Hermans and deem that our brethren don’t merit our help or we’re Amis and elevate ourselves to false heights when we’ve no more than shared a pittance. Few of us are Rivkas.

Whereas rhinestones and gum-backed stars, ordinarily and respectively, are the province of school children and country singers, we grown, G-d-fearing folks oughtn’t to evaluate one and all nor to rely on external validation, especially on comparative movables. In the first instance, “the arrogant man is a puppet. He is so worried about his image in the eyes of others, that he will do whatever necessary to achieve this end” (Rosenblatt). Such a person rarely cares that their actions, or lack thereof, might hurt those individuals with whom they interact.

Said differently, everything we have is from Shamayim. Each of us is part of the Klal concurrent with being only one among its entirety, no matter which wonderous attributes we enjoy. Our qualities are wholly granted by The Aibeshter. “[T]he more you understand of Godliness, the more you see how far you have fallen short of what there is to know and to do. Your own accomplishments pale next to the distance yet to be traveled” (Adlerstein). Our enacted assumptions about all and sundry’s “nothingness,” lead us to further nihility.

The opposite results of our options are equally veritable. Instead of losing ourselves in gaging people, we can aid them.

When someone provokes you, it means they have the problem, and you have the choice [to] shift your consciousness into empathy and compassion…they wouldn’t try to put their hooks into me unless they were suffering. Let me see what I can do to make their life better….I do have the capacity, in a small way[,] to help them recognize themselves and understand themselves (Wolf).

It is completely possible for us to elect to help the people with whom we’re connected or whom we encounter. Meaning, “[p]rinciple alone, in and of itself, is sometimes inadequate. Along with principle must come another element, that of relationship founded on the importance of other human begins. Relationship means that the I and the Thou are bound together” (Lamm, 2). More concisely, Hashem is the True Judge. Our duty is to be of assistance where needed.

In the second instance, that of kindness interwoven with  grandiosity, we know that “G[-]d laughs at those who think they have godlike powers. The other way around, “[t]he smaller we see ourselves, the greater we become” (Sacks). Explicitly, we ought to model ourselves after Moshe Rabbeinu, who did not think little of himself (our aptitudes are heaven-sent) but spend few of his reserves on navel-gazing or on articulating his distinctiveness (Sacks).

All in all, “[t]he main reason we are sent into this world is to overcome our negative natural tendencies. If a day goes by without battling our negative inclination, it is considered as if we didn’t accomplish anything on that day” (Siegelbaum). Namely, we need to replace feelings of supremacy or of social trepidation with emunah; we need to lift ourselves past our own and everybody else’s measurements. If we fail to cling solely to Hashem’s commands, we suffer  the outcomes that spring from actualizing absurdity. The water, the cup, as well as the opportunity to contribute a small amount of our resources all are endowments. At best, the proper utilization of them constitutes our doing G-d’s bidding.

It’s when we train ourselves to see everyone’s positive qualities, as well as to see our own flaws, that we become more righteous, not self-righteous (Shemtov). That is, we become Rivkas. In point of fact, no physical item, no character trait, nor anything else in this world, is permanently ours; we’re borrowers. Rather, the singular possessions/performances that we can claim as our own are the moments when we respond to our fellows by acting fidel to our Creator’s desires. Let’s run to portion out cups of water.

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Sources:

Lamm, Rabbi Norman. “Reflections on Orthodoxy in Politics.” Yeshiva University Archives. 16 Mar. 1974. archives.yu.edu/gsdl/collect/lammserm/index/assoc/HASH0137/12a7a225.dir/doc.pdf. Accessed 9 Mar. 2025.

Rosenblatt, Rabbi Shaul. “The Idol Within: Vayishlach: Beware of the Traps of Arrogance.” Aish.com. aish.com/48954201. Accessed 19 Mar. 2025.

Sacks, Rabbi Yonaton. Studies in Spirituality. Maggid, 2021. 215.

Shemtov, Rabbi Levi. Qtd in “Ask the Rabbis | How Can We Avoid the Trap of Self-Righteousness?” Moment Magazine. Sep./Oct. 2021. momentmag.com/ask-the-rabbis-avoid-self-righteousness/?srsltid=AfmBOorRaeJ5qVjqcZqHNNyQz8mZHIpUH1ElwbXC2d8pxYP2L4m1vws0. Accessed 17 Mar. 2025.

Siegelbaum, Rebbetzin Chana Bracha. “Parsha Ki Tetze: Going Out to Battle Our Spiritual Enemies.” Women on the Land.” 14 Aug. 2013. rebbetzinchanabracha.blogspot.com/2013/08/going-out-to-battle-our-spiritual.html. Accessed 9 Mar. 2025.

Wolf, Rabbi Laibl. “Jewish Meditation – Transforming Anger into Empathy and Compassion.” YouTube. Uploaded by Laibl Wolf Official. 2016. youtube.com/watch?v=_tUbPidtFJ8. Accessed 30 Jan. 2024.