The fine line between attracting & accepting

Have you ever felt like you always attract a certain type of person? If you answered yes, welcome to my world and the world of so many women I know. The same kinds of people seem to present themselves to me all the time. They may have different names and faces but they present the same themes, the same habits, the same excuses.

Let’s take my friend *Fifi for example. Adorable, sweet girl who thinks that she ALWAYS attracts the same kind of guy. You know the type, comes across as an amazing guy, good job, good looking, nice dates but in the end just wants to have fun. PLAYER! I hate these types of men because they are the ones that lead you on. They tell you how great you are and the minute they sleep with you it is as if they have won the challenge and they can go onto the next victim. A**HOLES!

Me, well, I must have a sign on my head that says “Only talk to me if you are emotionally unavailable!”

These are the guys that truly like you, would actually do anything for you because they have a genuine interest in you and your life but cannot commit due to the devils in their head talking.

Take my ex for example, love the boy to death but his issues from the past were a major muck up for us. So much so that when he decided he wanted to go away for a month I told him to happily go. Though he came back after only two weeks, the trip that was supposed to clear his mind from his previous demons didn’t help.

For some reason it seems to not be only guys that I attract with this. Yes I date the emotionally unavailable but I also attract the misunderstood people, the needy friends and the underdogs. Am I a sucker for these people? What is it about me that attract them?

Sometimes I wonder if these guys or the friends are drawn to me because I am a strong person and I am supposed to help fix them. Like a moth to a light, were they drawn to me because my light shone bright? Well, I am not Oprah. I am not Dr Phil and in most cases I did not make the guys emotionally available, I cannot always build the self-esteem of the needy friends and the underdogs, still underdogs no matter what wisdom I thought I shared. From this, I am usually left disappointed, so why am I attracting these people?

Obviously, this is most frustrating in the relationship department and having to go on dates, like I have mentioned in previous posts, is also quite frustrating. Sometimes the dating world is hell, having to invest your time in guys who don’t follow through after a first date, or those who you think might propose by a third date.

But hold on, maybe let us try and see things from a different perspective. Are we actually attracting these kinds of people or are we accepting them? If you have been with a guy for five years and he hasn’t proposed, the problem is that you have accepted him. When you date a man who is verbally abusive, you have not attracted him, you have accepted him. If you date a man who has addiction issues, employment issues, family issues, you have accepted him. So are we just accepting a whole bunch of people who are wrong for us? Let’s be honest, 95% of men are going to be the wrong ones and I am not here saying that you should be intolerant of men’s flaws but if we attract the weirdo, the creep, the emotionally unavailable, the player etc then we are just attracting, men!

So it seems that what we need to do is stop being so accepting. Stop accepting unacceptable behavior and treatment just because we like someone. Stop being on shpilkers (Yiddish word for on edge) just because he hasn’t replied to a message or called back or because you think he will dump you. Stop investing time and energy on those who refuse to give you the time, love and support you need and in fact, deserve.

At the end of the day, if you are not happy and smiling then move on. Don’t have a plan. Live free. Enjoy life. Be positive. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea and the right one will swim by all in good time. Well, I, Lala at 27 years of age am not going to wait for a lousy little fish. I am going to wait for my whale. The legend of the entire ocean!