Andrea Zanardo
The Zionist Rabbi your woke friends warned you about

The laser beam, the shoe and all in between

I am a Jew.

Therefore, according to Marjorie Taylor Green, newly elected Republican American MP, I am part of a conspiracy; or at least I know something about it. Such a conspiracy involves spaceships, laser beams, wildfires, the construction of a high-speed railway and of course lots of money made by Jewish bankers and California politicians.

I am a Jew.

Therefore, according to Trayon White Sr, Democratic Member of the Council of the District of Columbia, Washington, I am part of a conspiracy, or at least I know something about it. Such a conspiracy involves early snowstorms “climate control, man”, weather manipulation and of course lots of money to be made advertising the resilience of the residents in Washington city.

I am a Jew.

Therefore, according to Ghassan Douglas, the Palestinian official in charge of the Israeli Settlements File, I am part of a conspiracy; or at least I know something about it. Part of such a conspiracy are Ultra-Orthodox Jews who, on Shabbat go around the West Bank; they enter lands owned by Palestinians and chop olive trees that grow on that land since the times of Jesus. Of course, they also control the media, so that their crimes and infraction of the Jewish law go unnoticed. This evil Charedi Jews.

I am a Jew.

Therefore, according to the BBC, the Guardian and several other media outlets, I am part of a conspiracy; or at least I know something about it. Such a conspiracy involves denying medical care to the Palestinians; that is because the plan is to accelerate their extinction, occupy their land, uproot their olive tree, take their homes etc. Everything will be replaced with shopping malls (Jews and real estate, this never-ending dyad…). They also bribed the media and forced them to publish fake stories about thousands of vaccines that the Israelis provide. Israeli caring about Palestinians, come on, this is really too much to believe!

I am a Jew.

Therefore, according to Asghar Bukhari, a founding member of the Muslim Public Affairs Committee UK, I am part of a conspiracy; or I know something about it. Such a conspiracy involves profiling British Muslims, entering their houses, moving the furniture, stealing their shoes: only one, of course, the left — Zionism is a Right-wing cause, you know.

I am a Jew. I know nothing about spaceships, laser and wildfire. When it rains, I dream of manipulating the weather; but I have no clue how to do it. I know nothing of chopping trees on Shabbat. I am still waiting for my vaccination. And day in day out I find my shoes in a place different from where I remember I have left them (lousy memory, I am afraid).

You can believe that I am no part of any conspiracy. In such a case, you will be labeled “Zionist”.

It’s not a compliment. On social media and beyond, there are people who know that the Zionists are responsible for all the above-mentioned crimes, and beyond. They have found pieces of evidence on the Internet. At the moment these pieces of evidence are not there anymore, because, you know: Zionist censorship.

And don’t talk about antisemitism! You cannot censor the truth with your usual tricks.

Indeed there are Jews (again: look on the Internet!) who have condemned the murderous spaceships; there are Jews who have disassociated themselves from the manipulation of the weather; there are Jews who condemn the Occupation of Palestine, and there are even brave Jews who have denounced the appropriation of activists’ shoes.

Look at these Jews, They are moral examples. They are so inspiring. Why cannot you be like them? Why do you stick to your tribal loyalty? Why don’t you condemn and denounce those evil members of your tribe who perpetrate horrific crimes all over the world?

Why don’t you embrace the universalistic values of defending the California forests, of protecting the climate in Florida, of saving the olive trees in the West Bank, and return the shoes to radical Muslims in the UK?

Don’t you realize that you are betraying Judaism?

You’re a partner in crime. How much money have you promised in exchange for your silence?

About the Author
Italian by birth, Israeli by choice, Rabbi of the largest synagogue in Sussex (UK). Uncompromising Zionist.
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