Things I will be free to worry about once I stop worrying about Hamas

When your daily existence is constantly being threatened by a group of Hamas terrorists practically living in your backyard, you instinctively stop worrying about all of the regular things that life has to offer and are considered part of the normal human affliction.

My current wartime goals are really only a few steps above survival and in the case of parenting, it becomes a delicate balance between whatever makes the kids happy and isn’t doing any long term damage versus I am just too tired and stressed to care.

So in order to be deemed a positive thinker, I have created a list of all of the things I plan to worry about once I no longer am preoccupied with silly things like war and rockets:

Cancer and cancer causing materials. With the threat of Hamas upon us I find myself drinking diet coke by the gallon, using my cell phone while it is plastered to the side of my head and chewing sugar free gum all while sitting under fluorescent lighting. I can’t help but notice that people in my Facebook feed who are living normal daily lives in a democratic, first world country, outside of Israel, are worried about their long term health and the health of their loved ones. This made me pine for the day that I too could once again worry about the carcinogenic nature of sunscreen in a spray bottle.

Maybe we should use this sunscreen as warfare against Hamas?

Dieting and exercise: Damn you Hamas for sapping my will power to resist those delicious jam centered cookies in my kitchen at work and damn you for forcing me to drink a glass of wine instead of going out for a run at night. I know it’s all about choices but I have personally decided that the collateral damage from eating cookies instead of lashing out at your coworkers and staying home with a glass of wine instead of going for a run and getting hit by a missile are well calculated decisions.

Kitchen cleaned. Kids asleep. Waiting for a siren.

My back: It seems that lying in bed all night long, with your laptop on your knees is probably the worst possible thing you can do for your back. I might possibly vow (I have commitment issues) that after this war I will do all of the back exercises my physiotherapist told me to do and only use my bed for sleeping in. Oh wait! I almost forgot. I will also stop wearing heels all the time or at least while cleaning the house (one step at a time please)

I will do these exercises starting tomorrow. Bli Neder.

My overdraft at the bank: There is this ‘076’ number that keeps calling me and I think it might actually be from my bank letting me know that I have gone over my credit limit and that my overdraft is being frozen until I deposit money into my account. But I guess I will never know because until the war is over, I am not taking chances and answering calls from unknown numbers. After all, there is the slightest chance that it might be a Hamas terrorist calling, trying to pinpoint my exact location and consequently shoot rockets at me. I’ll deal with the bank after Hamas.

Unresolved dispute with the guy who rear ended my car: Lucky bastard. That’s all I can say. Because for now I won’t be showing up at his house and harassing him….at least not until after the war.

My hair: I normally do care about the few white hairs that sprout up on my head when unattended to. Thing is, I guess I don’t care enough to do something about it right now.

Damn you Hamas for ruining my hair

My birthday: Normally planned weeks in advance, my birthday this year may just end up consisting of body shots in our bomb shelter on a weekend when the kids are with their dad. PM me if you care.

Summertime boredom: “Mom, we’re bored” has not yet been uttered this summer. I always prepare myself for the kids summer vacation since I am at work all of the summer and the kids are bored most of the summer. I kinda miss the lazy, laid back days of summer. Here’s hoping.