Little tips for a big wargasm

How did we get to a point where the entire Middle East is in such desperate need of one big badass cold shower?

Call it an inescapable slide into a thunderous episode of unspeakable violence that will give intense but fleeting pleasure to a few while very possibly plunging the rest into that ultimate pit of emptiness otherwise known as an inadvertent holocaust, or simplify matters and call it a wargasm. Some guys in these parts seem to be desperately, blindly, stupidly in need of one.

Perhaps they took a page from a tip sheet that reads something like this:

1) Allow a crackpot band of hate lovers to take over a large country of strategic importance, and then take hostages locally, and underwrite acts of terror globally, sans genuine demand for accountability.

2) Permit representatives of said regime to commit verbal hate crimes on an almost daily basis while, piecemeal condemnations notwithstanding, collectively ignoring them.

3) Allow threats by the lunatics of the bigger strategic country to be leveled at the smaller strategic country on an almost daily basis while failing to fully address them, preferring instead to gab about options on tables.

4) Permit and/or encourage the two-way barrage of insults and threats to intensify to a point where it spawns a cottage industry of half-baked commentary and/or fully-baked deals by pundits, pollsters, lobbyists, and closet defense contractors, each group more self-serving and future-forgetting than the next.

5) Allow the cycle of punditry and leakage to spin faster than a centrifuge on steroids, to the point where the escalation to obliteration becomes unavoidable and perversely, almost enjoyable.

And there you go: total suspension of clear thought, erosion of any semblance of rectitude in either government or the media and a steady upward slide to messy disaster — there’s your wargasm.

But it’s not exactly a happy ending. Esteemed statesmen of the Middle East, instead of hunkering down in the warroom, strip naked and run to the bathroom. Go grab that cold shower, and do it while the water’s still running.